Jadedtherealme's blog: "My Writing"

Crystal clear dreams and blacked out reality. I close my eyes to sleep. I want to enter the world of dreams. A world of fantasy pleasant and clear. A place where everything goes right nothing is wrong. It has become a drug to me. Over powering any sense of reality all that matters, all I want is to visit my wonderful world. I am never lonely I am never sad. Everything I have ever wanted to have and feel is there, surrounding me, pulling me deeper into my addiction. I am free to be how I want to be. Perfect in every way. Then like a whirlwind pulling me away I open my eyes. Reality is here once again all around me covering me like a dark cloud. Once again I begin to start longing for the moment that I can close my eyes again and just be.

With a beat of my heart you were there. Guiding me, Loving me, making me yours. With a blink of an eye you were gone. Leaving me broken, helpless and shattered. With a thump of my heart there you were again. Promising love, shelter, training, and forgiveness. Like a drug you are addicting. I now close my eyes forever. There will be no more heart beating. You and Me can never be. Said Juliet to her Romeo.

The night was chilly and dark. The clouds covered the full moon casting shadows everywhere. The wind rustled the dried fallen leaves on the ground. I sit waiting for you as you have instructed me to. Chills from the bitter wind making me shiver. Staring at the night sky. It is so quite and so peaceful. So isolated and calm. The leaves rustle more than usual. It startles me. I dare not turn around. I close my eyes and wait for your touch. Nothing happens. A feeling of dread fills my stomach. I turn there is no one there. A shiver runs up my spin I know I heard something. Pulling my jacket tight around me to keep warm staring at the ground thinking about what it will be like to see you, feel you, smell you, and taste you. The wind picks up blowing the leaves around me. Suddenly the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up. I can feel your warmth behind me. You whisper "Don't turn around". I stand still shivering. Your voice echoing in my head. You wrap your arms around me from behind. Like a cloak protecting me from the cold. You feel so warm and safe to me. My heart is pounding in my chest I could not speak if I wanted to. Again you start to whisper "We finally meet" I tilt my head trying to get my ear closer to your mouth. I love your voice how it fills my whole body when you speak. Excitement starts to build inside me you can see my breathing has quickened. You turn me around slowly I close my eyes scared it is not really you. "Look at me" you command me. I lift my head and open my eyes. There you are eye to eye with me. My knees go weak, my heart pounds harder, I take a deep breath in. It is really you. You smile at me and whisper "Hello there" I smile back and manage to let out "Hello" You are all that I imagined. I stare at your face in silence. Trace your lips with my fingers making sure they are real. Wanting to feel how warm they are against mine. Quietly we stand there smiling and hold each other. Then you lean in our lips touching for the first time. I can taste you. My whole body wants you. A gust of wind blows leaves and dirt into the air. I close and shield my eyes. My body starts to shiver from the cold again. Your warmth is gone. I quickly open my eyes again you are gone. I look around for you no where to be found. My chest starts to ache and my eyes start to water. I look to the sky again at the full moon now shining brighter than ever. "Will you ever come to me My Knight in Dark Armor?" a cold tear runs down my face......... I'm here waiting.

A new beginning. A new me. Looking deep inside. Seeing the real me. My emotions, my personality, my love, my lust. Working to improve what I like about me and to change what I don't. You are there too. A new dream and wonderful fantasy. Longing to tell you how you make me feel. Wanting you to feel the same. Loving the mystery. Hating the anticipation. For now I wait patiently, in silence for you. Enjoying our time together. Soon you will know, you will see that from here on out you will now and forever be apart of the new me. The real me.

Star Light Star Bright First Star I see tonight I wish I may I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight I wish for peace I wish for love I wish for all the help I can get from above To make sense of it all To make it all clear Why we are who we are but we still live in fear Fear of the truth Fear of the thought That Change is not better in all that we are taught So to all the stars above One two and three Help me except the changes I have made in me

He watches me from a distance. I don't think he knows I know. Every time I catch him it send shivers through my body. We know each other but only through talking and exchanging pics but he still excites me with every word. I long to please him, be with him, let him use me for his pleasure but he is so far away. We don't talk often but the conversations linger with me for weeks. Driving my dreams and fantasy of one day meeting him face to face. I trust him as much as I lust for him. I wake everyday with the hope of talking to him hoping to hear him say "It is time for us to meet, it is time for you to prove how much you want to please me". I like that he accepts me for me and all that I am. I wonder if he believes all that I say and how bad I want him. I wonder if he ever really plans on letting me feel him, taste him, enjoy him, and please him. I wonder if he is reading this and knows who I am talking about