It's like this-
You leave a place, because you think you aren't strong enough. You think "Wow, this place is tough, these people are doing things that I can't do..." and you settle down somewhere COMPLETELY alien to you. Foreign, Bizarre. Like being dropped on your head in a vat of LSD in Beijing. Confusing. So you try to make the best of it, get a job, work for the man every night and day, until you find yourself going crazy. Lack of socializing, being closeted, cloistered...it's like being a nun. Was it worth it?