As I get more (ahem) mature, I'm finding there are things that get easier with age. Life tends to get a bit easier, just because I now know better. I make decisions that seem to help my life, not hinder it. I now know how to cook, clean and keep up with the daily activities and chores that need to be done. I'm doing my best to take two steps forward, not two steps back and so forth.
A problem that I've had in my youth, is how to say a simple word, called NO! It's a universal word in all languages. No matter what country you go to, if you say "no" people usually know what you're saying. I believe it's the ONE universal word we have, that way it's just completely understood what is being said and wars will not have to break out because of a communication error. Yes on the other hand comes in many different forms....si, oui, ja, tak and so forth.
I'm a people pleaser....it's what I do. I find joy in pleasing others and making them happy. I want to please and I do it oh so well. "Yes" is just what just flowed out of mouth without thinking.
This may sound like it's not a problem....that it just makes me easy to get along with. Some of you might even be annoyed by this behavior in a person. But why is it so annoying? Why would this be a problem?
What I've learned is that there is in fact a pricetag on all the "yes's" I give out. I would constantly help friends. I would bend over backwards for my friends. I would spend way too much money trying to put their problems on my shoulders. I would allow some to ride my coattails, while they complained during the whole damn ride. This allowed people to take advantage of me. They came to expect things of me, and when I would actually say the dreaded word "no", it was like suddenly I was a leopard! I'm instantly the bad guy now, because I finally put my foot down, didn't allow someone to walk all over me and said NO!
Forget the millions of yes's....forget all the money spent and countless hours of help that I offered. Let's just get mad at the one little no that I said. It's unbeilievable to me, that I put myself in that situation. That I allowed this to happen to me, from who I thought were friends.
The other problem I have with being a yes person, as of recent, is that I've learned that I will start to resent a person. I will hold it in, and stifle it deep down. I will smirk and complain under my breath, but then will still continue to say yes. Then when I don't get the same in return, I will get all pissed off because "How could they?? After I did this and that for them!!"
No!! Not anymore!!!
I have learned through these experiences that No is actually a beautiful word. It's a liberating word!! It can mean something positive if you look at it right. I no longer resent, I no longer hold my real feelings in, and I no longer get walked on by people. I've learned to use the fabulous word that is "no"!
My life gets a whole lot easier too. So much less complicated. Ladies tend to have a harder time with this word in general, I believe. Our nature is to nurture, and we think that comes with the word "yes". But when you look at it, you can only give your nurturing self over 100% when your life is less complicated, then it actually is condusive to the word "no".
I will still always prefer to please people, because it is my nature. But pleasing does not mean that I have to give more of myself than I am willing to give. I will give with no strings attached, and that which I cannot give, I will not give. Doesn't mean that I want to offend you, it doesn't mean that I don't like you.... it just means that I can't, or I don't want to.
Do any of you have this problem, or ever had this problem?
Do you still have a hard time saying no to people and why?
Do you think "yes" comes with a pricetag?
