(A confused man is looking through the golf balls in the bin.)
Me: “Can I help you with anything?”
Customer: “Yes…how can you tell the difference between left-handed and right-handed balls?”
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If You Can’t Bring The Pizza To The Mountain…
(Sometimes the customers that call are out of our delivery area. We have to find out which restaurant delivers to them.)
Me: “What are your major cross streets?”
Customer: “Federal and Quincy.”
Me: “Okay. That could be one of two stores. Are you North or South of Quincy Avenue?”
Customer: “I don’t know.”
Me: “Alright. Can you face Quincy from where you are standing?”
Customer: “Okay.”
Me: “Are the mountains on your left or your right?”
Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”
Me: “Yeah. But are they to your left or right when facing Quincy?”
Customer: “They are in the west.”
Me: “The mountains are always in the west. If the mountains are to the east of you, you aren’t in Denver.”
Customer: “No. The mountains turn with me.”
Me: “Pardon me?”
Customer: “The mountains are in the west.”
Me: “Yeah, that would mean you’re in Denver. Now are they on your left or your right?”
Customer: “I’m telling you, the mountains are in the west!”
Me: “I’m not arguing the geography with you. I’m trying to find out where you are.”
Customer: ”Never mind, you’re an idiot.” *click*
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A-Pee-l For An Appointment, Part 2
Customer: “Hi, I’m here for drug screening.”
Me: “Sorry, we’re closed for the day. We open tomorrow at 8.”
Customer: “What! You mean I have to hold it until then?”