willdamnt's blog: "Not so deep thoughts"

Ok is it just me or has this stupid protest shit gone too fucking far it's just as bad as the dumb fucks  who riot after their team has won a champianship, look I know your mad I am too but their is a better way to deal with this  besides fucking up the place you live. also the police that get called to all this shit guess who that hurts you fuckin shit's YOU cus now evrey city is gunna raise taxes to compencate for your fucking actions so now you get stuck with another bill and half you fuckin nimrods have no clue why your out their things to think about when in a cival war of the classes ,.. Objetive lets all get an Idea of what the fuck we want, lets try not to make us a casulty of our own cause also take the fight to the right spot the best place you can fight is right here in front of you yhis tool right here gives you access to the best battlefeild without bloodsheed i've seen protesters with a variable of sighns and only about five or six have made any sense  the best way to win a war is without having to fire a shot people organise yourselfs  there is a bit more i'd like to add but it's just so simple a a fix that if you can't figure it out then you desrve to dround in your own stupidity I hope they take like 75% of the 99% to jail so the 24% left can get shit done right,..

I wish I had a cure for the stupid’s I have I wish the test God gave me I didn’t get a C- in I wish I could be what they all want and more. I wish I could fix all that’s wrong with what I see and even the stuff I don’t. I wish I was better at being me I wish when I smiled that people could see why I wish that I was perfect enough not to cry when I puke thoughts on a page I wish I didn’t spend so long making bad choices I wish I could have time to go back and fix what I did wrong I wish I had never felt the need for a cold barrel against my head .I wish that I could hide my pain better, I wish that I was all that you wanted. I wish, I was all that I wanted. I wish I knew what I wanted, I wish wishes would come true I wish that love never fucked with my head like this I wish it didn’t give me nightmares to dream of the past I wish the candy jar of life weren’t always running out when I stick my hand in it I wish I put more effort into being me I wish I could try harder, I wish I could be closer to the family I wish I was not the black sheep I wish I was a better person I wish other people were worse I wish winter winds would dry the tears I wish that my heart was not on my sleeve, I wish the truth didn’t hurt that much. I wish I don’t know I just wish maybe it’s too much maybe it’s not enough I wish I knew where I was going hell sometimes I wish I knew where I have been I wish I never got off the path then again I wish the path weren’t so well defined I wish I could hold you in my arms I wish I could kiss you and tell you it’s all going to be alright but without you I don’t know. I wish words would not kick me so hard, I wish the pain would stop I wish all the voices in my head would take their turn. I wish running from the pain would work I wish that all it took was one thing to set it all up right. I wish I could have all the time to make the right choices, I wish my struggles were not such a struggle. I wish that I had a grip on it all. I wish that crazy was a solution I wish that time would really heal everything I wish that I could smile, I wish I could hurt better I wish I could say I lived through life I wish forever with you did not feel so far away I wish when I thought of something it was the right something . I wish the sword we all fall on was not so sharp I wish the episodes of life I remember were not always so fucked up. I wish I could turn hurt into power, I wish I could take a minute to smile and it would mean something. I wish when I cried that the tears did not hurt so much I wish when I bleed the guilt would go away. I wish I had feelings I wish that I could make it all ok, I wish I could be everything for everyone. I wish we all had simple needs. I wish we all weren’t having these meetings in my head. I wish for it all and then some I wish I could improve the world before I left it. I wish that I could hold up my head when I walked, I wish puddles were not so deep I wish tree’s were all easy to climb I wish that hunger didn’t make me so tired I wish that sober didn’t matter, I wish that I could feel your love every step of the way I wish I could make you feel my love all the way to the top I wish that wishing didn’t hurt so much,… I wish that when I spoke I didn’t taste crazy I wish the sounds I hear at night all didn’t come from my head I wish that trouble came in smaller dose’s I wish my goals we’re easy I wish I could stop coming up with things to wish for I wish life was fair for you I wish tears of joy would stream down my face I wish every step I took didn’t hurt like hell I wish that moving forward would be noticed as much as falling down I wish people would look at me as a person not a problem I wish we all we’re not hypocrites I wish I understood more I wish life was longer I wish that the candles made you feel better I wish that this fear would wonder off, I wish this storm would pass I wish that candles burned brighter in the dark night I wish love was strong as the words we put into it I wish you wouldn’t fail me before I start I wish it wasn’t hard to tell the truth I wish that the pain felt as good as the rain, I wish you could not hurt I wish  friends weren’t  gone, I wish 15 was forever I wish I could be a better me I wish I had time to go crazy and be back to normal by tomorrow. I wish I had stuck to stealing candy. I wish it was not all my own fault, I wish the pills had worked I wish that my mind was easy to clear like an etch-a-sketch, I wish when I took a shot the guilt would crawl back down, I wish that loss was not such a pain. I wish we all had what we want. I wish I could make your world better than mine I wish that when I ran away fate would not always follow I wish that hunger we’re solved just by food, I wish that you will be strong when I’m gone I wish that life rolled over and gave in to it all and let me take back over I wish we all could see what I see I wish that the lions roar made you proud I wish that sunny days lasted longer I wish mood was not such a bad word, I wish we could be friends I wish we could be better at it all I wish it did not take so long to get what we want I wish helpless meant you didn’t need help I wish hopeless never included me I wish I ran more with scissors, I wish I had all the right answers I wish I had learned that lesson, I wish I never got trapped by my own dreams I wish you could rise to the top I wish perfection was not a word. I wish failure came with gratitude I wish confusion counted as a disorder, I wish I knew what was going wrong before it was too late I wish I had a better grip on reality I wish when I wished it didn’t feel so hollow I wish I was not the only one to wish I wish I could see I wish I could fix it all and walk away like nothing happened I wish that there was a crazy person we could all trust I wish I could type. I wish crying didn’t make me feel like I have lost it all I wish money grew on more common tree’s I wish I could be more like you I wish you could see why I am me I wish I ran out of reasons to hate, I wish war would stop breaking out in my head I wish you all had someone as special as I do I wish you could have it all and then some. I wish that I knew how to go through this world I wish the game was not set up for you to fail. I wish when I looked at the stars it was for reasons other than your not here, I wish I could fix it all, I wish Jesus was still serving whine, I wish that the evil in me was not always so rude I wish the finish line was closer I wish desire did not where you down I wish I had more time I wish you could read what I thought not just what I wrote. I wish misunderstood was not so mean sometimes I wish fair was a real word. I wish the sun would slow down. I wish the nights we’re longer I wish when my head was above water it wasn’t because I drowned I wish when I walked my footprints meant something, I wish so many thoughts did not come from such a small bottle I wish that my abrupt end would not hurt a single person I wish you could see that I’m not ok and that’s probably for the better, I wish you the best even in the worst of times, I wish you all meet in the end, I wish hell was just a nightmare I wish strange things didn’t happen to normal people I wish you didn’t skip over my thoughts, I wish I had more important things to wish for I wish I was better at being human I wish the wars would stop I wish that all of us we’re together I wish it was only seconds till we could hold each other I wish time was fair I wish fate was not fools gold. I wish I had a jacket for every cold man I wish I had a meal for every starving family I wish I had a home to give to every homeless person I wish I could rearrange the world. I wish when I ran from trouble I didn’t run into more, I wish when I went crazy some of you had gone with me, I wish that lost didn’t feel alone I wish wrong didn’t hurt so bad I wish I got a free wish every time I got a choice right I wish I wasn’t right about the wrong stuff I wish when I said no problem it actually was no problem. I wish the voices in my head would grab a megaphone I wish walls did not collapse around me, I wish my mind didn’t stutter,.  I wish things that are black and white were not so blurry, I wish crazy was okay  I wish I could run forever I wish the tears fell softly  I wish the end was near, I wish this hunger didn’t hurt so bad I wish this pain didn’t feel so good I wish I was wrong more, I wish all the drugs kicked in at once I didn’t miss I wish I could remember how good it felt I wish this pen  ran out of ink I wish I could run out of thoughts I wish they gave guns to crazy people I wish the police didn’t know me by name I wish copasetic felt good I wish I had some more time to explain it all I wish I could smell regret before I got such a taste of it I wish more people more like themselves I wish it was not fucked I wish fools didn’t rush in. I wish it was easy being me. I wish you had yelled a lil more I wish the advice you gave was the advice I took I wish I could take it all in I wish I didn’t want to be there when I was here I wish there was a here that felt just like there I wish there was a now was like then  I wish I didn’t have the same dream over and over again I wish the moment meant as much to you as it does for me I wish all this off balance would hold me up just a little while longer I wish all those cops never knew my name  I wish I knew how not to drive myself crazy. I wish that I couldn’t hear the dead so clear. I wish I could rinse all the trouble away with all this whiskey I wish I could clean my head with the tears that fall I wish I knew when it was all going to be over I wish I didn’t write when I was sad I wish I wasn’t sad when I wrote I wish I could make you all understand I wish the skeletons in my closet would come out on their own I wish that I could breathe I wish it was not instinct that told me to get up and run everyday. I wish there were better words than crazy to describe me. I wish the longer I spoke the more you listened I wish I didn’t already know how it was going to feel when I lost it all. I wish others see in me whatever it is that you see in me. I wish I could hold hands forever I wish this last kiss would never end I wish when I opened my eye’s it all would not go away I wish love were not such a dream I wish love was not such a nightmare. I wish I had the power to stop myself I wish I wasn’t , I wish I was I wish every time I wished someone else’s wish would come true I wish all you had the will to keep wishing. I wish you the best of luck in what you do next. I wish it was going to be all right in the end……  

I just don't know where your world ends where mine begins, I walk in circles around the bed that I lie in I can see me but from both angles, I can see tears when I smile I feel the numbing pain of the dope slide into me I want to regreat it but before I can it seems I all but forget it I sleep with my eye's wide open. I'm stuck on the ceeling but feel nailed to the floor thier is a moment to myself that I will never forget, I shake I shiver even from time to time I qiver my brain misses moments my body fades from here to there i'm sure by now my soul is out wandering the streets alone. I'm up, I'm down if I could I'm sure I would wonder all around I hold onto the walls in my mind and let lose an awseome cry I beg the last moment to never repeat itself I streetch my strength to the limit I push my pain hold to the edge. I ask an empty room to forgive me I beg the outside voice to come back I can't even remember how it all started but now i know it's all about to end too asleep can't press on I see things I know are not there I taste food that I haven't had in years I smell home made jerkey like grandpa usta make I smell the hunnysukle tree I feel the dirt from the tamato garden  wander through the angles in the yard trip over an ocasinal orange wander to wash room smile at the black widow and wander off back into the bliss of pain fade back to the reality that is still me a tearfilled smile hurts more than broken bones or dead organs the heart remembers so much  the soul misses more,.. I really don't know what I'm saying I guess this is me missing all the past, the past that made me desire the future so much then like a sudden snap back to a cruel world a sudden beep and a release like being pulled from the Matrix the IV comes out from my vein the blood pressure cup comes off and the sudden taste of home is gone giving way to the hospitabal smell of steel poles hospital sheets and melow taste of Dilaudid. time for more zanax or another pill to adjust the anger or to fix the pressure or another shot for the hurt more medication than meditation makes me wanna go crazy the pool of thought is running dry and I wish i could stayin the coma,...

The rain falls slow and hollow an almost happy feeling looks me in the eye and runs to hide I could smile but the tears will bleed and the stiches on my heart my tear torn apart by the thought of getting you back vs. the thought of never really having you those dreams i had seemed so tastefully real the cottoncandy dreams coming into play I had your heart you had my we walked alone in a deep dark forest full of secrete emotions we walked the shores of forign worlds we walked the edge of insane we wonderd near and far only to find the love we were looking for was right there in our heart we wonderd to the edge of reason we strolled the walk ways of devine perfection we looked up @ the moon and said I could do better wetouched the sky so fast and then we found what we feared we found doubt we found hesitation we found a false  cure for the nothing wrong we found hate in a moment influenced by fear and controlled by anger for this I would ask for you to say what you feel one last time tell the truth tell a tainted lie tell a word if not one a million words of hate for me we make sence more than the one lie ILOVE YOU...come taste  the salt that is my last tear for you I cry then I hold A light to you that will cast a forever shadow over love, till this, I offer a kiss a gentle show to all those that loved will love are love and have love A kiss' to you, the passoin felt by the angry voice that controlled the heart that crushed my witherd tired soul.. a kiss for love has a curse.

Tonight a moment of moments made my heart stop again those words you whisperd in my head gave my soal a taste of your offerings I held you up among the clouds so long I could not see your feet, feeling for feeling I gave you love you gave me confusion, Again I come to you with this taste the way we were will never be the way we are....  I saw you last night all i did was close my eye's I missed you so much sometimes it makes my soul shiver the end that came to soon haunts my lust for others the mistakes that chassed you away made me feel so estranged I looked into your eye's to risk the chance feeling of love again but something that never left can't come again, we held hands every moment together is the best moment I will never have the past hurt but now the hurt is what gets me through to ask for more pain those simple feelings you had for me created complex emotions, those love dreams became feard nightmares of lonelyness in such a drop that it stalled time long enough to get well associated with the pain, I took my hunger for lust far you took the word love to mean more than what I knew at the time  you bled my heart to show me a clean side of the world you cut me with simple words my blood never got to hit the floor before you took me in and healed my wounds I did sloughter our feelings but I never touched the garden that our love frew in you took my heart in your hand and ran away with it, that is what i miss most about you not the love alone but the pain in witch you gave me your love it hurt so well made me see the light that life had to offer,now in this dark hole I wish up to the top of the well for you to come to me once again and drag me from this hell one last time but the tail I chase is too short to hold onto, so I offer you this my love my soul but ,.. a tear will strey you to another for real love is what we both fear'd and finding it so fast, too fast to understand,,... love you miss you hope you hate me for being hurt so i know you feel something ...