Well, it didn't work this month either. *sigh*
I didn't even want to get pregnant, and I did... and now that I want to, I can't. It agitates me beyond belief, because I WAS pregnant, and constantly fighting with my god forsaken EX... and that sure didn't help. And we're trying. We're tracking my ovulation, blah blah blah. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know how to make a baby, and when to do it!!
Looking back on my life, and my pregnancies... I've had a couple miscarriges. One in the fall of 2003... i was on the patch when I got pregnant then. I was kinda on the pill when I got pregnant with Tash... in 02... I wasn't on anything when I got pregnant with Alexis, I dont think anyways... And I was on the Nuva Ring when I got pregnant earlier this year. And I'm like, HELLO??? Should I get on birth control to have a baby??? I ovulate fine, my periods are exactly to the date 28 days apart... so it's A LOT easier to plan these things... *sigh* Although, I can't complain a whole lot... I mean, god has his reasons for things, right? Plus, I'm on this diet and all... yay for dieting and losing weight. I mean, dude, when I got pregnant with Natasha I was in a size 5... Makes me kinda sick... I was all tiny and skinny.... gayness. So, who knows... I will at some point... if not now, at some point in the future...
Other than that, nothing new has been going on. Adam is working a night shift... and he does nothing all night, but sit there and tell people what to do. I go hang out with him when I can, but I'm convinced that place is haunted, so i"m like, screw you... no way. He left me alone, in the big haunted warehouse... not cool at all... But this night shift ends next friday. He's working 230 til 1230... and we dont go to bed until damn near 3 every night. So we get up around 11. And i'm like hello? WTF? I miss his 7 to 4 shift... thank god he's going back to it soon!!
But, it's giving us a lot more "alone" time... no one is up, around, calling, or anything at 130 in the morning... so we can just realx and hang out... it's been so awesome. The other night we sat on the front porch just, talking. For almost 2 hours.... just talking. I miss it. We have gotten so wrapped up in our lives, and busy with the girls, and dealing with all the bullshit stress and drama dennis has caused, that we forget about US time...
I can't imagine at this point, what I would do with out Adam. Looking back through my entire life... all I had ever wanted was just, someone to love me. After my mom died, i was ALONE. I didn't have anyone. Which is why i tried so hard to get people to love me... I've made a lot of mistakes with a lot of guys... and been through some of the most bullshit relationships, that were far from love, just to try and feel loved. I wake up, now, every single day, to a man who worships the ground I walk on, and loves me more than I could ever have hoped to be loved... It's hard for me to say I'm the "luckiest" woman alive, based on the fact that I have a psychopath for an ex, and I have to deal with all his drama... my life is far from perfect... but, I do have a man who loves me, and who loves my children, and who will be there for me no matter what happens, or what life throws at us. In that aspect, I am far more lucky than most women. One of these days, I will be married to Adam, we will have a beautiful little baby of our own, and Tash and Lexi will have a little baby brother or sister... and the 5 of us will be perfectly happy, and settled... in the meantime, I'm trying to figure out how to make it through some of the things life is throwing at me... there is alot going on, that a lot of people don't even know about... And at some point, it will all calm down. Just have to keep my head high, and know that, I am better than those people who are causing me these problems. People who do these things, and say these things, and act as immaturely as they do have problems, that not even I can understand. Could be jealousy, perhaps... could be plain insanity. Who knows. But I know that I am a far better person, and I wont let these people drag me down. I have too many amazing friends who are helping me through this. It's just time I started to listen to their advice. Letting them bother me is letting them win, and we know I'm a major control freak. Can't let that happen. :D
Anyways... This was longer than planned, but that's life... Hope you're all doing well.
