>>If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famous
>>erudite scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff
>>had been stolen... and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind tends to see
>>things a bit differently than the rest of us mortals. Here are some of his
>>gems:
>>
>>1- I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
>>
>>2- Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
>>
>>3- Half the people you know are below average.
>>
>>4- 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
>>
>>5- 42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
>>
>>6- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
>>
>>7- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
>>
>>8- If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
>>
>>9- All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
>>
>>10 The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
(Think about this one a little, it is great)
>>
>>11- I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
>>
>>12- OK, so what's the speed of dark?
>>
>>13- How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
>>
>>14- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
>>something.
>>
>>15- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
>>
>>16- When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
>>
>>17- Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
>>
& gt;>18- Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
>>
>>19- I intend to live forever; so far, so good.
>>
>>20- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
>>
>>21- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
>>
>>22- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
>>
>>23- My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your
>>horn louder."
>>
>>24- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
>>
>>25- If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
>>
>>26- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
>>
>>27- Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
>>
>>28- The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
>>bread.
>>
>>29- To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
>>research.
>>
>>30- The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
>>
>>31- The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
>>
>>32- The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on
>>it.
>>
>>33- Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
>>
>>34- If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights
>>work?
