1) If the light is yellow, and within visible range, speed up.
2) If the person in front of you runs a red light, you must follow him through it.
3) Yield signs mean stop.
4) In order to merge on the highway, you must be doing at least 15mph under the posted speed limit.
5) If you miss your exit, brake frequently and, if you choose, drive through the grass median.
6) If you hit someone, make sure your story indicates no fault of yours.
7) Do not use turn signals. Ever.
8) Tap your brakes constantly. If anything, just to keep the driver behind you alert.
9) If anything out of the ordinary happens, reduce speed to 5mph, regardless of circumstances.
10) If cell phone rings, reduce speed to 10mph
11) If you do not have insurance, drive 20mph under any posted limit... so not to draw attention to yourself.
12) The merge lane in front of you does not matter. If you wish to merge, make a complete stop until no cars are passing.
13) If you feel you are going fast, the fast lane is where you should be, regardless of other drivers or posted speed limit.
14) If you drive a truck, do not ever check your mirrors. If the other driver was in the way when you changed lanes, he should have known better.
15) If you decide to challenge oncoming traffic, make sure you tell the police that they deliberately aimed their car at you. This may help the lawsuit.
16) If an ambulance on call is approaching, wait until they are within 50 feet before turning in front of them.
17) When in doubt, make a complete stop. It does not matter if you are on the highway in front of a rig doing 70mph, or even if you have a car.
18) If you are driving a truck and see someone stopping in the road, whether in a car or not, hit your horn twice and keep driving.
19) The safest place to be is in the blind spot of another car. Stay where they can't see you and match their speed even if it changes.
Follow these rules and you will blend right in.
Welcome to Hell!
