sex, drugs, depression, suicide.. — Sunday, October 29, 2006
I was out late last night, so I slept most of the day way. With what I had left, I was on the internet some, and then I figured I needed to go get some food, since how I didn't have any left. Or atleast not much. So I bought chicken, sausage, and muffin mix. And tortillas and salsa, and chips. That should last me for a long time.
Interesting thoughts while cooking my sausage and potatos. I figure my brother likes cooking so much because there's so many things going on at once. It's something that uses the complexities of the mind. We like complicated things, if it's not complicated, we make it complicated. People in my family are repeatedly accused of certain things. The include: overanlyzing things to the extent that we don't get joy out of life, being judgmental/condascending, Well, those are the two main things. We are often too nice to people and get taken advantage of too. About a month ago, my brother was told he treats other people like lesser beings. lol. I don't really know why exactly, I wasn't there while he was said to have been doing it. He does have a generally condascending attitude a lot of times though. I guess when other people don't take much time to analyze things so they don't see everything that we might see, they seem to be lesser? It just gets annoying sometimes when you take a lot of time to think about stuff carefully and then someone comes along that doesn't give a fuck, doesn't even think for themeselves and just goes around repeating stuff that they have heard over and over again... Problems occur because of this. There are some commercials, and tv shows, and other stuff that can be upsetting, because I think about them, their meaning, the effect they have on people, their thought process, etc. Where as other people will just say it's only a commercial, or movie or tv show. So yah, it kinda takes the joy out of life.
Anyway, while cooking other things came to my mind. I think Americas drug problem has a lot to do with it's stigmas about sex and the human body. I think a lot of times drugs are an altervitive to be happy without haveing sex. Ft. Benning georgia, has a huge drug problem. Why? It's concentrated of mostly males. It's the home of the infrantry, and the rangers. Lots of stress, no females, homosexual activity isn't allowed basicly, ( The best way for me to describe the army, or atleast the army on bragg is- Everyday people are either sucking someone's dick, or gettting fucked in the ass because they didn't do it, or didn't do it well enough.- But real sex isn't quite as common. ) If people are having sex regulary, I don't think they feel the "need" as much to use drugs, or even drink. I haven't done studies, or seen studies on it, but I bet that if done, they would show that.
Utah had the 7th highest crude rate of suidices in 2003. Well, one thing I looked at said 11th, and the other thing said 7th. so I don't know, either way, it's out of 50. Ok, so it's 7th, in teen suicide. And who would have guessed Utah being that high? http://www.suicidology.org/associations/1045/files/2003data.pdf ( http://www.suicidology.org/associations/1045/files/2003data.pdf)
http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/factsheets/suifacts.htm
One of the reasons is it villifies people for being who they are, even if they aren't hurting anyone by it. When the majoratiy says you are evil, it can be a hard thing to deal with. You can find other things to do, things that aren't "evil" and look a way that people won't look down on you for, but being something your not, you aren't ever going to be happy anyway. Don't ever forgett the effect making someone feel like an outcast can have.... If it's evil to be who you are, and you're not happy being something you aren't, what really is the point of living???? Religion, a "victimless crime"... lol.
So religion is like alchahol, the cause and solution to all the world's problems.
The army has problems with suicide too. Surprise surprise..lol. It has suicide awareness classes, but they often don't address the point of alienating people, and creating an envirement where people can't be themselves always ( even when it doesn't hurt anyone, such as rules prohibiting "bizzar" room arrangements among other things ) be themselves. There are chaplans that have explained that certain practices are bad, since they alienate people, but when I try to explain that, no one listins or cares.. The Army just ignores the problems it creates it's self, since I guesse it would be calling it's self not perfect, and so it would rather act like they didn't exist at all, so if they don't really exist, why waste time talking about them? Basicly, the army is a lot like utah, and that's part of the reason they have a problem with suicide.
If they had a prostitute at the methadone clinic, and when people came there for drugs they could choose to either have sex, or get their drugs, I wonder wich they would choose? It's not a sarcastic question either. It would be interesting to find out. When I went to kuwait, on my way to iraq, people had maxim magazines and stuff. On the back there was an absolute add, and on the front there was the pretty girl. I saw them reading them, and saw both the cover, and the back at the same time. I was staring at the picture of booze, thinking " I wish I had some of that! "
Food, the link to depresson. My mom was reading some book that talked about why people eat when they are depressed. - It's a comfort thing. When kids are upset, or had a bad day, people are like awe, here's a cookie to make you feel better. Or lets go get icecream. Food is what has been used to make you feel better since you were a child, so now you eat when you get depressed.- I don't remember the name of the book. I think she said it was by the same person who wrote " How to win friends, and influence people". Instead of eating cookies or icecream, I ate a bunch of sausage and potatoes, and an almond poppyseed muffin. And then I thought to myself " Oh shit, I'm using food to make myself happy. " When I first joined the army, I ate tons of candy. Chocolate was my anti-depressant. People in basic often gave me their M&M's and other candy out of their MRE. ( Meal Ready to Eat, it's an army food thing ) Possible reasons vary from, they felt sorry for me and wanted to make me feel better, to they were afraid of me and didn't want to be " on my list... " . When I got to my unit, I bought a bag of Hershey's nuggets, milkchocolate with almonds, toffee, rasins, or a combination of them about every other day. I ate lots of bluerassberry sourstraws too. That was my anti-depressent. If I had kept that up, I'd probably have gotten fat. So "luckily" later on after coming back from afghanistan, where I had turned 21, I discovered alchahol, and quit eating so much candy. I didn't get fat, just turned into kind of a drunk, wich is far more acceptable in the army. You can kill your liver, and internal organs all you want to, you just can't look wrong in uniform.... I was once told that having long hair is like being fat, so that's why I couldn't have long hair in the army... For the exact same reasons, those two things would be just as much of an outrage for people. It's a fucked up world out there....... So I just stay in my room away from it still depressed. lol. I'm moving away from booze, and back towards food I guess. But atleast it's not chocolate, and other candy. It's sausage and potatos, and muffins, and muffin mix.
So the question at hand, if I know theres something that will make me happy, should I do it?
Or, do I search for the thing that will make me happiest in life, and not give up until I find it knowing that it's not likly that I ever will, and then the thing that would have made me happy is there all along but I'm too stupid to realize that and ignore it? Or can I probably just turn whatever it is I have into something I like, and be happy with what I got, what I'm doing, and look forward to what I will do...
