It is my hope that when you read this you are able to walk away with something that allows you to continue on your journey. Mizery we are friends... always have been.. always will be... I am sorry that your heart is so heavy.
Tears
My heart is heavy... it feels as though I can not breath ... I want to curl up into a ball and just disappear ... there is a sob welled up in my chest begging to be released ... my soul is filled with tears... I fear that if I open the flood gates I will drown ... I look at my reflection in the mirror... I remember you ... tear stained face ... sad dark eyes ... barely a smile on my lips ... I thought for sure that you were gone ... I thought that I had seen the last of you and your tortured soul ... why have you come back to taunt me? Are you here to remind me that I will never be free of you? How do I make peace with you? ... I need you to be my equal, not someone who wants to tear me down ... How do I make you a part of me that makes me stronger and smarter... sitting hear talking to myself as though I was another person ... Trying to pretend that, that part of me doesn't exist ... running from it as if I were playing hide and seek ... holding my hands up over my eyes, peaking through the cracks between my fingers trying not to look but still seeing everything... I feel like I have no one to turn to... that no one will understand ... my thoughts and emotions make perfect sense to me ... but once I vocalized them everything sounds so ridiculous ... I was told today that I could either let this stop me from continuing on my journey or I could try to avoid how I feel all together or I could approach this distraction slowly and go right over it. I thought that the hurting part was over ... and I am truely surprised that it's not ... and as I was told earlier it is not uncommon to feel as I do ... everybody goes through the same thing when they are on the road to self discovery ... I just wish that it didn't hurt so much ...
