The 60 Rules of Horrorpunk
by Kurt Andersen
1.) Religiously watch Horror movies.
2.) Be a "Fiend".
3.) Be a "Ghoul".
4.) Change your name to something spooky (Danzig, Sid Terror, Wednesday 13, Evil Presely).
5.) Never use the word "Spooky".
6.) Watch and throughly enjoy "Plan 9 From Outer Space".
7.) Use Whoas as much as possible in your music.
8.) Have at least one song thats about Zombies contain the word Zombie, Dead, or Undead.
9.) Refer to graves, graveyards, or cemetarys as much as possible. There "Fiendish".
10.) You know what you need? some skull gloves.
11.) You know what those gloves cold use? Some spikes.
12.) Always refer to your band as either: Evil, Pure evil, the most evil, evilist, fiendish, or ghoulish band ever.
13.) Make sure at LEAST one member of your band has his face painted like a skull or a Zombie.
14.) All members of your band are required to have Devil Locks. If they dont know what that is, kill them immedietly (Or kick them out of the band, either one).
15.) Never gain popularity (cult or otherwise) until 10 years after your band has broken up.
16.) After gaining popularity, refrom with only one old member and tour using the same name of your "popular" band.
17.) Make sure your logo contains an creepy looking skull or some variation of the Fiend Skull.
18.) Make a skeleton shirt using only a black long sleeve shirt and White Out.
19.) Make a band website but never update it.
20.) Never keep the same drummer, instead frequently hire new ones and fire them for redicules reasons.
21.) Your not using enough Whoas!
22.) Pick out a creepy 1950's style horror movie font for you to write you band name in.
23.) Use green and purple for shading as much as possible.
24.) Spikes, spikes, spikes!!
25.) Only use BC Rich guitars, they're both Ghoulish AND Fiendish.
26.) Break a guitar or bass every show.
27.) Get a job soley to buy new equipment.
28.) Frequently attack your crowd, bash at least one person in the head with your guitar.
29.) Get banned from San Fransico.
30.) Write multiple songs about killing teenage girls and how much you enjoyed it.
31.) Make sure your drummer gets kidnapped for 6 months while touring.
32.) Whhhooooaaaahhh!!!
33.) Make sure every photo is at a graveyard, or you playing live.
34.) Why isnt there any blood in your show? MORE BLOOD!!!
35.) Everytime you play live, have an old zombie movie play in the background.
36.) Kill a cow and use its backbone on your leather jacket.
37.) Frequently State in public that Jerry Only should have just let the Misfits die.
138.) Put a number in one of your songs or album covers. This insures that fiends will refer to it for years to come.
39.) Frequently whine that Balzac should tour the U.S.
40.) Make sure you have a side project or album title that has the name of a misfits song on it.
41.) Don't speak, it you have to, grumble incoherently.
42.) Make sure your band has little or no muscial talent.
43.) Wear boots: If possible, put spikes on them.
44.) Chains: Not only a great accessory, but good for attacking the crowd.
44.) Tour every single day for months on end, stop only to record an album.
45.) Go to London to tour but instead get thrown in jail. Write a song about it.
46.) Open up your own club.
47.) Get it shut down only a couple years after it opened due to payment issues, noise and voilence complants.
48.) Release self made EP's only, then compile them into two or three cds and give the cd's diffrent names then the EP's.
49.) When thinking of lyrics, cd titles, band names etc. Remember, EVERYTHING comes from outer space.
50.) Make your own record lable, be sure to name it after an old horror movie or horror punk song.
51.) Make sure your album covers contains any combination of the following: Zombies, Demons, Skulls, Vampires and half naked women.
52.) Remember, Everyday is Holloween!!
53.) If you want your band to be happy together and last long, don't be like Danzig.
54.) When writing lyrics, if you come to a writers block refer to rule #7.
55.) If your browsing for cds and see one from Germany, Get it.
56.) Frequently point out that the Nekromantix and Mad Sin are Psychobilly and not Horror-Punk.
57.) Also at every possible moment, point out the diffrence between Psychobilly and Horror-Punk.
58.) Punk Rock Is UNDEAD!!
59.) When throwing a party, see rule #1.
60.) You mean you sat here a read all this when you could be watching zombies massacre each other!? For shame, fooorrr shhhaaaammmmeee!!!
