I have never considered myself an addictive personality. I started acting a fool while drinking so I quit. No big deal. Yeah I started up again a couple of years later, but its not like I ever really NEED alcohol.
Same deal with smoking. Casual smoker at best. When I got a gnarly resperatory infection, I just quit.
Now its becoming painfully clear that I am literally addicted to sex. I realized the last time I did it that my entire personality changed after. It wasn't just the release of endorphins and whatnot. I slept well for the first time in days. Finally felt like eating. Suddenly the world was right on its axis.
In general this probably wouldn't be a problem. The fact that I'm not in a safe, stable, secure relationship with someone who wants sex all the time is a problem. And the fact that self-inflicted orgasms do not have the same effect is an issue as well.
I realize that putting so much value on something I have to get from someone else is the unhealthiest thing in my life. I need to look at everything from a different perspective. My friend has suggested some Al-Anon readings to help me deal with addiction.
This is not a shameless ploy for attention. I know I haven't been above them in the past. Right now, I really do need love and support to re-establish my self-worth and come out of this without too many scars.
Have a great day everyone.
-MK