I used to write alot of blogs. Not so much anymore. I guess after awhile you just feel like no one cares about what you have to say or not. Whether thats the truth or not,who knows? I tend to ramble out of my mind sometimes.... This hasnt been the best year for me,or for really anyone else i know. Anyways my year actually began in February. My oldest brother Matt who was a youth minister thought his wife was cheating on him,when in reality she wasnt. He came to the decision the only way to deal with this was to take his own life. So 2 days before my mothers birthday,my brother commited suicide. I felt like my world had come crashing down around me. I couldnt get out of bed for a week. I wasnt sure how i was supposed to go on. In fact the only thing that really kept me going was knowing i had to stay strong for my mom. The most important person in my life.
But as well all know,life has to go on. The human heart keeps beating,whether the pain stops or not. Well in late July my moms husband of 18 years started to get really sick. He kept coming down with pneumonia that wouldnt seem to go away. He went to the hospital and they told him and my mother they had to make the decesion to either place him in a nursin home or he had to go on hospice. Well my mom is a nurse so in my family putting him in a nursing home wasnt an option. So her and I did the only thing we felt we could. My mom quit her job and i took a leave of absense from work to bring Eddie home and to grant his last wish,which was to die at home. The greatest man i had ever known in my enitre life,who had raised me since my own dad died when i was 7,passed away August !st at 1am.
Never take those you love for granted,because you never know when they might not be there...... <3
Ok kids,these are in no particular order....I just decided that there was so much that i wanted to do in this short crazy thing i like to call life....so here goes,please enjoy....
1)Get married
2)Return to Lancaster,California
3)Write my memoirs
4)Own 1000 movies
5)Have at least one kid
6)Meet all my half brothers and sisters
7)Quit smoking
8)Get a degree
9)Go to Hawaii
10)Get more tattoos(i have 3,i want at least 2 more)
11)Make ammends with all my siblings
12)Paint again
13)Learn how to drive
14)Buy my mom something really expensive
15)Have my breasts reduced.LOL
16)Buy a house
17)Own every Jenna Jameson movie
18)Write a song
19)Buy myself diamonds
20)Pierce my tongue,belly button.....
21)Read all of Shakespeares works
22)Go to law and or medical school
23)Donate to charity
24)Go to Las Vegas
25)Give blood
26)Celebrate new years in times square
27)Dance coyote ugly style
28)Swim with dolphins
29)Learn another language
30)Try every flavor of ben and jerrys
31)Make love in the rain
32)Visit ireland
33)Create something beautiful
34)Find my serenity
35)Watch every episode of the following:csi,south park,snl,thundercats,and mad tv
36)Learn to play a song on the piano
37)Visit every major museum and memorial in the usa.
38)Watch a show on broadway
39)Start a visual journal
40)Own a piece of louis vuitton and burberry
41)Take pictures of everything
42)When i do have kids,teach them everything that i believe is important to me,then let them draw their own conclusions on life
43)Take a vow of silence for a month
44)Scrapbook!
45)Get my 15 minutes of fame
46)Go to mardi gras
47)Sing karoke halfway decent
48)Become a suicide girl
49)be someones hero
50)Change the world!!!!
You can have her,or him for that matter,because i refuse to change
Dont call me your friend if youre talking shit to the person next to you,about me.
The people on my friends list are well my friends...If you dont like it, tough cookies
Yes its true i dont drive and no its not because i have had too many DWI's.
My ideas are my ideas,thats it.Im not trying to convery anyone...Leave that to someone else.
Do i look like i have phoneswitch operator tattoeed on my forehead?How about messnger bitch?I didnt think so.
If i was friends with your boyfriend and you broke up,and hes talking shit...Please assume im no longer talking to him,cause im not....
I cry....alot.
I have an awful habit of waiting by the phone when i think someone is gonna call,and lo and behold they usually dont.
I really like to do my blogs,and no im not gonna mention names,becuse if someone was reading this and got an awful feeling at the pit of their stomach,it just might be about them.
If youre someone i care about...then if all i had left to my name was a piece of bread,youd eat first
So I'm the king of all these things of this mess I have made
Such a waste what a shame my whole life is a fake
Well I'm a bore and I'm sure I'm a thorn inside of you that has torn at you for years
The alcohol the demerol these things never could replace
What a minute with you could do to put a smile on my face
I'm a bore and I'm sure I'm a thorn inside of you that has torn at me for years
I can't get out of this dead skin I can't shed my skin
I'm not sure where to begin why can't I begin again
I can't get under my dead skin I can't shed my skin
Can I sllep 'til then
Phenobarbitol and alocohol these two surely will do
To knock me out keep me down at least a day or two
When I'm awake I can taste how bitter I've become
And it's more than I can bear somedays I pray someone will blow me away
Make it quick but let it burn so I can feel my life fade
Well I'm a waste and I can taste how bitter I've become
And it's more than I can bear
I can't shed my skin
Where ya gonna be tomorrow?
How ya gonna face the sorrow?
Where ya gonna be when you die?
'Cause nothing's gonna last forever
And things they change like the weather
They're gone in the blink of an eye
Just look at yourself, can you see where you are?
Look at yourself, now you can't hide the scars
Just look at yourself 'cause there's nowhere to go
And you know
Tomorrow
You're gonna have to live with the things you say
Tomorrow
You'll have to cross bridges that you burned today
Tomorrow...
And everything you do, it's coming back for you
You'll never outrun what waits for you
Tomorrow.
And are you terrified by sadness
And have you given into madness
You're running out of places to hide
'Cause everybody's got a reason
To justify how they're feelin'
Maybe you should open your eyes
Just look at yourself, do you like what you see?
Look at yourself, is this how it should be?
Just look at yourself, 'cause there's nowhere to go
And you'll know
Tomorrow
You're gonna have to live with the things you say
Tomorrow
You'll have to cross bridges that you burned today
Tomorrow...
And everything you do, it's coming back for you
You'll never outrun what waits for you
Tomorrow.
Are you waiting for the reason to change?
Are you waiting for the end, has it came?
Nothing's gonna stand in your way...
Just look at yourself, do you like what you see?
Look at yourself, is this how it should be?
Tomorrow
You're gonna have to live with the things you say
Tomorrow
You'll have to cross bridges that you burned today
Tomorrow...
And everything you do, it's coming back for you
You'll never outrun what waits for you
Tomorrow.
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This was taken from a journal i used to keep. Hope you love it =)