As it is with many other parents that have lost a pregnancy, infant or child, my sense of loss and emptiness returns and is a little more raw at this time of the year. This will be my first Christmas without this latest baby lost and and this will be my 8th Christmas since my first pregnancy loss in 1999. The first I lost didnt affect me as much as this one did but around the holidays I still was reminded. This year, I am reminded that I should now be 5 1/2 months pregnant and big as a house lol. It makes my heart hurt to think that I am not growing our baby and buying a few things for the baby for Christmas in anticipation for the babys arrival. This past Wednesday there was an ornament hanging for babies lost at the hospital...there will be an ornament hung for our baby for Christmases to come and we got an engraved ornament with the babys name and due date on it to take home so that we can remember the baby every Christmas. I guess that no matter what we do...at Christmas time...I will always feel an emptiness that this baby should be filling. I know that with time another baby will come but it will never erase that I am missing our baby right now. You were loved and wanted more than anything in the world Payge and you will always be our guardian angel. We will be with you again someday.
