The Master's Plan
[To the tune of "Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be?" a/k/a "Johnnie's So Long At The Fair"]
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Frankie locked Eddie up in the laboratory.
He grabbed his scalpel and did a lobotomy.
Now, Eddie's got half a brain.
But Frank was a genius and he had a plan,
In just seven days, he could make him a man,
With muscles, blond hair and one hell of a tan.
His joy, Frank could hardly restrain.
But then, Frank's creation became his obsession
'Cos he was so good at relieving Frank's tension,
Until that night Rocky caught Janet's attention
And Frank went completely insane.
Oh, didn't they know you don't mess with the Master?
To do so can only mean instant disaster.
Frank's Medusa Ray will most certainly blast ya
And you'll never be quite the same.
But Riff and Magenta had cooked up a scheme,
A way to demolish both Frank and his dream.
Riff told him his lifestyle was far too extreme
And then gave Frank the chance to explain.
Frank started to sing, his emotions were soaring,
Tears stood in his eyes, but Magenta was yawning
And Riff seemed to find it all totally boring
When Frank told of sorrow and pain.
But Riff had decided that Frank had to pay.
The good times were over, much to Frank's dismay.
Riff aimed with his ray gun and blew Frank away,
As Magenta looked on with disdain.
Then Riff and Magenta returned to their planet.
They left behind Dr. Scott and that slut, Janet.
Oh yes, and Brad Majors, who only said "Dammit!"
As we sang this sad dark refrain.
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
We've lost the Master and we've lost our fantasy.
Will he return? Well, we'll just have to wait and see.
Till then, let's Time Warp again!
