Why can't I have what I want? Because I want what I cannot have? Someone said I should change the things I want. Fuck that. Thats giving up. I could give up as easily with a razor blade. If I wanted death I'm sure that would be denied me as well. I'm being kept alive for a reason. Don't know what that reason is. Will it lead to something worth while or just more suffering. Whatever it is I don't believe its specifically for my benefit though for someones benefit. Are those in control benevolent, omnipotent? Or are those terms meaningless and alien to them all together.Who are they? You'll likely never know. This is the/a Matrix.