In two weeks, it starts the happiest time of the year. I admit, it hasn't caught on nationally, but I am starting a movement, and soon it shall overtake America.
In two weeks, its the starting day of training camp of the NFL. Last year I had declared it the "Season of the Man", which stretched from the first day of NFL training camp, to the last snap of the Super Bowl.
Why would I come up with such a stupid idea such as this you ladies ask? Let me tell you why. Men are being wussified by the media. Name a man's man, like Steve McQueen, in the movies. You can't name a one under 40.
And how many stupid sitcoms are there, that their main premise is to make man look stupid? According to Jim(which is easy, because Belushi sucks), King of Queens, Everybody Loves Raymond...there's millions of them.
Gone are the shows like M*A*S*H, where Hawkeye boned every nurse there. Gone is WKRP, where Andy was the station stud. Even in Threes Company, the lines were drawn.
So I have decided to take over. I want to make it ok to be a man again. And to start with, I'm gonna give you all a little insight why it's great to be a man...
1) We get to stand up when we pee. Which basically means, if we're careful, we can pee anywhere. And if the mood takes us, we can Boston Red Sox it, and sit down to pee. Options are great.
2) When we go grey, it's distinguished. When women go grey, they're old, and people think its time to dye their hair.
3) Middle aged spread...its okay as long as you don't go overboard. We only have to worry when the hot guy starts at work, and odds are...he's gay!!!
4) The internet is geared towards men. Can't get a date? Against using soap? Who cares? There's enough porn on the internet, that you really don't need to venture out to the titty bar. You can sit at home with your smelly self, and not offend everyone there.
5) There are mail order brides for the truly desparate. I have never heard of a "mail order husband". What can be better than paying a few grand to find a woman to cook and clean for you for a few years. Ever price a maid service? You might even get lucky and get some sex.
Plus you're eventually feeding the stripper pool of America, so you're also helping the economy.
6) You want a new tool? Go ahead and buy it. She's thinking that you might use it, you're thinking that you now have the newest, coolest thing to show your friends. And maybe, just maybe...someone will know how to use it.
7) Ever see a woman naked. Waaaaaaaaaay better to look at than a man. Yay us for getting that eye candy!
8) We don't have to listen to that harpie Oprah.
9) Lets face it, it's not fair, but on average we're paid more.
10) Flatulance is ALWAYS funny to us. I don't care how old, what color, or how much money you make, a good fart is always good for a good belly laugh.
Women are trained to put their noses in the air, and call us savages.
11) Our thinking is split up between two areas on our body, so our upper brain is not overtaxed. If you lower brian is overtaxed, you are considered a stud.
12) If we bang a whole bunch of different women, we are considered a "stud". If a woman does that, she is a slut, or a whore.
13) We generally don't learn how to dress ourselves, proper manners, and how to not use a gallon of cologne at a time til we are 25. It is for the most part accepted. Neener Neener ladies!
14) Women take the time to wonder if a man is compatible with her socially, sexually, physically, and mentally. Guy's hope she's horny whenever they want sex. So much easier for us lol.
So thats a little overview on why I celebrate "The Season of Man" Feel free to add more reasons why at to have our chromosomes.
