The past 7 days have been HELL for me. A lot of reasons, some i can't explain... some I can. The doctor... him dying... thats really messed with me. Being alone... really bothers me. Dennis constantly yelling or bitching... bothers me... needing to escape. Needing to be so far away from here. I made a huge mistake moving back in with him... i knew that... but it was the best thing at the time... i hate my life. i hate who i've become. i try to be someone i'm not. i want so badly to have someone care, that i do some of the stupidest things. like, have sex... may sound stupid... but it's why... i just want to feel something... does it work?? no... i'm back to where i started... miserable. in the past 24 hours... a number of things in my world have just blown up. I've truly realized how much of a bitch i can be for no reason... and how naive. only a handful of people will truly understand what i'm talking about, and only one will read this... and she knows what i mean... i do some dumb things when i get so upset... i made a promise i wouldn't do it until i talked about it... sometimes promises have to be broken. Right now, i am looking at the past week, wondering... who the fuck is playing this joke on me?? cuz its not funny... the shit with my mom is killing me... i'm so confused... the shit with dennis... same shit different day... but i can only handle so much... i'm trapped in my own life, and i want out... something inside my head really isn't right... it can't be...
i need to shower right now... i made some dumb choices tonight... and i have to fix it the best i can... god only knows why i'm being so open and honest right now... i'll probably delete this tomorrow...
