oh god...
i'm trying so hard not to just break down and cry. i miss him so much...and i cant tell him cuz we're not speaking until monday/tuesday...i hate myself for running him away. if only i could change who i was, i know i would. i'm just so damn stupid...i feel sick to my stomach all the time and all my smiles are forced so everyone will think i'm happy. god i sound so pathetic but it's all true...
i worry cuz i think i'm gonna loose him like i lost chris (my ex). i know i would do anything to keep the guy i'm talkin about (not chris) but i'm trying as hard as i can to be perfect. i've gotten hurt in the past...a lot which is why i dont trust guys often. if a guy can fall for me easily, then wat is stopping him from falling for someone else just as easily? that's why i'm so paranoid and jealous and suspicious...when i love someone, i dont wanna loose them. i dont wanna admit i need them until it's too late and they're gone...
i know he prolly wont read this...but i'm sayin it anyway, i love him and i know i need him...i know i prolly wont ever get a second chance and i'll have to move on...i just wanted him to know that this is killing me.
i know nothing will be the same between us ever again...goddammit...
i hate my FUCKIN emotions and the roller coaster that accompanys...why am i so FUCKIN stupid?! i'd give anything to stop this pain
~ace~
