I realized today as I looked out into the water of my mind, that there were things in life that hurt me...more than I had thought.
I also came to see that as I sit here in my room, as I light a candle for mood, I am of little use (at times) to my friends & family. I watch the smoke rise from the flame, and I wonder what changes are coming in my life. I know they are there...they have already begun, but seeing my reflection on the wall...I wonder which path I shall take. There are several in front of me & all seem to lead me to a different place.
Here in this room, watching as the wax melts into the blackness of night, I want to reach out to a friend. One friend that will have nothing to gain or lose by my thoughts, I find that there is no one...that knows me well enough that this decision will not touch.... that I can talk to. For all the words I write & poetry I put down, I have the need to be pulled across the windy tunnel of my mind...I find I am alone.
If my mind could scream, I am not sure what it would scream. If my mind could whisper, I am not sure what it would say. My heart, body, and soul are not as one right now, and I feel as each has taken a different flight. To be alone on a journey where I need a friend and a confidante, is as though the water runs through a bed of marbles rocks, and no one is there to move those beautiful rocks as they are washed away, a bit at a time.
The flame reflects off a silver talisman hanging here in the dark of the room w/ me. I pray for it every night, and knowing I will go on alone w/o a prayer or a wish, as this night brings me no peace, no solace...no difference.
