Well, sooo, ok, like, I was whining and bitching, and was gonna just go to bed, because, god... i was so freaking mad. And he called me, after like, two hours... and, that didn't do much good really... so we hung up... then I was going to go to sleep and was like, "ummmm" duh... my work clothes were at his house.... Sp i had no fucking choice but to get my ass back up, get dressed and go over there. SO, i called him and told him... so we sat on the phone and started talking about everything... and i'm just like, duuude... although, yeah, the whole reason i was upset in the first place was a total misunderstanding, i was still pissed cuz he sat there and didn't talk to me for two hours... and after talking about everything, i understand why, but at the same time, i kinda dont get it... I mean, like, men think weird... I'm not the type of person to get pissed off about someone telling me something... and like all men, he was scared to tell me something and so instead, he just ignored me. And he was like, uumm, pissing me off by ignoring me and not talking to me. Like, I understand the concept of it all, but at the same time i was just annoyed as hell over the whole situation... ya know? So, anyways, we sat and talked about everything... and when i was over at his house, and laying on his bed, and he sat and was telling me all this stuff... i started crying... for no other reason, than, he just, has me. He has my heart. And I can not imagine losing him... I've never felt this way about anyone, And i'm so scared I'm going to lose him... So, i'm like, ugh. This is just so frustrating sometimes.. i mean like, I'm used to just expecting people to know what i'm thinking and do what I want, and I'm trying so hard to make this equal, and be a good girlfriend, and make him happy, and I wind up freaking out over something so small, yet the shit sunday I was able to deal with, no problem... I'm not really sure how to react to all of this right now either... This is all so new in so many aspects... for the both of us... So, i know it's going to take time and patience... and i'm certainly trying... i sat there last night and was trying to picture my life without him.. and i can't... I can not imagine, waking up to anyone else... (be it there with him, or on the phone...) I can't imagine being with anyone else, i can't imagine telling anyone else i love them, i can't imagine kissing anyone else, i can't imagine, loving anyone else... period... through out my life i've always been able to just be like, oh well, whatever, there are 6 million more men in the world i could be with, so it didn't bother me... hence the whole "rebound" thing after i broke up with a guy (or a guy broke up with me...) but honestly, I don't even want to imagine that... i don't even want to THINK about being with someone else. Adam is all I need, he's all i want... him and him alone. I've never been so in love with a man, ever... and I'm so amazed by him... and by HIS patience with ME... cuz, i KNOW i'm not an easy person to deal with, and deals with me quite well... He makes me happy. I love him... and although, sure, there are things that bug me... (mostly just his attitude at times...) They're part of who he is... and i love HIM... so it's like, i'll learn to love it too... in a lot of ways I already have... He means the world to me...
*sigh* I dunno... this whole, relationship thing isn't easy... the whole, give and take, and compromising... yeah, not so easy, thats for damn sure... but, it's taking time to get used to, but I'm trying as hard as I can to make this work, and I know he is too... and honestly, things are amazing with him... i guess you kinda have to have little fights... cuz, how else would you have make up sex :D which, always rocks!!! :D
