I were stood in a clearin'
dreamily endearin'
to the antics of two little birds
who were puddlin' and preenin'
and amorously convenin'
between bouts of evacuatin' turds
When from out of the trees
with looks to appease
rode a Venus with sweat on her brow.
sweet perfumes exuded
and her nipples protruded
as far as her vest would allow.
O bring back those minutes!
those piggy-backed linnets!
-though I hasten to add I'm no twitcher-
to when she slid from her pony,
her hips ripe and bony,
like a goddess from a Hollywood picture.
Me heart were a-flutter,
me brain squidgy butter,
me legs were gooey, me toes well curled;
I were blood filled and fruity
for this porcelained beauty
-and O to have had her jodhpurs unfurled!
From beneath her hard hat
hung her hair in a plait
the colour of Lyle's golden syrup.
She tightened a notch
of the girth; and her crotch
were stretched as she heaved to the stirrup.
She posed with her whip
on her prominent hip,
her skin shone like a soft Dulux barley.
She's dreamy blue eyes,
broad, muscular thighs
and her buttocks were buttocks by Dali.
O bring back those minutes!
those piggy-backed linnets!
to the time she appeared hot and leggy
-for O, as she parted
she furtively farted
and its bouquet were cabbaged and eggy.
Envoi:
'O Venus I'm moved'
me heart confesses,
though her flatulence caused dismay.
-but I guess that it proved
that even goddesses
alas, have feet of clay.
