i'm not in a good mood cuz my "friends" were being bitches to someone i consider my brother (who's actually an ex but we still get along). the bitches were being...argh!! i started to curse them out in spanish to my bro and then got up and left. my bro, ron and i speak spanish all the time...or most of the time and thankfully the guys i was cursing out didnt understand wat i was saying even tho i said it loud enough for them to hear.
i'm doing the opposite of what i said i was going to do; find something else besides the computer...haha yea right. here i am, on the computer.
i wish people would just be HONEST with me. tell me what's going on with you. TELL ME SO I KNOW WHERE I STAND! i'm tired of guessing either too much or too little. i want to KNOW, i dont want to guess anymore. it's just annoying...ya know?
i start indoor lacrosse tomorrow at the DCJCC. i wont get home until 5:30-ish monday, wednesday, and thursday. i cant wait until this week and next week are over...dammit, friday's a full class day.
wilson was on lockdown today. my mom told me and i laughed. i thought it was hilarious but maria must be pissed. she was stuck in her math class all day while authority went through and checked everyone's stuff cuz of some phone calls about gang warfare. must've sucked.
i dont know wat i feel anymore. i feel longing and yet everyone annoys me, i feel pain but i feel positive, i feel self-destructive but i feel calm...i'm so confused. i wish something FOR ONCE would be clear for my emotions...besides love...i already know who i love and i have to guess where i stand as of now. *sigh* wat can i do but sit here and wait until i can talk to him again?
it sucks, this weekend is the shakespeare field trip weekend. alison, and rachel as far as i know are going and i was hoping to dye my hair this weekend but i guess i'll have to do it myself instead of havig them to make fun of me when i dye my face blue.
i cant sit still...i feel too anxious. i want to get my work done but i cant...i guess i'm hoping he...no, stupid thought. we cant speak until monday/tuesday. going insane...but he can't know that. i cant admit it. they say to play everything cool...but how can you when you only can think of one person? shit...i'm becoming obssessed...that was the last thing i ever wanted to be. dammit...maybe this week will be ok...maybe...
...having doubts that scream and shout and warn me of shit that could be...
damn me.
