What I know about love.
Nothing. I know nothing at all about love. There. Done.
Ok, ok. Wait. That's not entirely correct. I know about loving my family.
I know about loving a cold soda on a ridiculously hot weekend afternoon.
I know about loving the way a woman's skirt rides up, exposing that happy trail I'm so incredibly fond of, when she's feeding the ducks at the local park. I know all about these kinds of love. I just don't know a damned thing at all about the 'big one'.
I had it once I think, many years ago. She fucked it up in just a blink.
Big love. That notorious love between man and woman.
That great love of the ages!
That love long immortalized on stage and screen!
Framed and oil painted by the masters!
The sole reason that Hallmark continues to exist!
Yep, I don't know shit about the big one.
Why? I Don't know. I ask myself that all the time. I've met some truly amazing women. Women that any man would trip all over his self to cherish and adore, yet I just can't seem to get there. I used to chase what I know I can't have or ones that I know I shouldn't have.
I kept overlooking the "girl next door type' when I know that is what I had been looking for all along. The ones that are just happy being themselves, take me or leave me be.
I recall once how I took a significant other to see Titanic on our second date. Remember that one scene? Where Rose jumps back onto the boat to be with Jack? She leaned over to me — my other, not Rose — and very seriously said:
"I would do that for you, I want you to know that I love you that much!"
I shoveled another handful of popcorn into my mouth and replied:
"Then you are Fucking nuts! You should leave a trail of footprints up my back on your way to the lifeboat. You hardly know me."
And I meant it, too. Sad, eh? Sadder still, what does that say about me?
I wasn't wanting to be cold nor callous, I would have loved to to believe her, but I felt she was saying what she thought I wanted to hear.
Was I wrong for being honest? Am I wrong for not saying something I didn't feel?
Is it because I've been hurt by women each time I have let them in or is it simply apathy on my part?
Frankly, I'm not sure which answer would be worse so I avoid working the math entirely.
I just think that love is a word far to easily tossed about. I know a handful of overly emotional sorts who are claiming new love each and every week. How does something like that work?
Is it gaged on whomever tosses a kind word your way for the day?
Love them then?
Perhaps they look great in cornflower blue? Maybe the color really brings out their eyes? Love them then?
Is it a gal you met at a bar and went out back and got a blowjob.
Love them then?
Is it the guy asked you out after your two friends turned him down?
Love them then?
And then for how long do you love them? Is there a time limit? Kinda like the expiration date on a carton of milk? I know some that have been married several times and swore they were "in love" each time.
NO... You were "in lust". So many can not distinguish the difference between love and lust. Some just can't stand the thought of being alone so much that they marry the next one available in line.
Is that love?
Fuck if I know.
Following are the only things that I know about love:
1. I think love, true love, is something that comes only after being together for quite awhile.
2. I think love should be a pleasure to work for, not a struggle.
3. If you truly love someone, you should be willing to step between them and a rabid Grizzly bear.
4. I know that there isn't "love at first sight" But the trail to love must begin somewhere.
5. I do know what it feels like to love someone so much that it hurts when they are not with you.
6. I know that simply because you love someone that it doesn't mean they must love you back.
7. I know that sometimes you must walk away from love when you know that it is for the best.
8. I know that I am not willing to settle for "just love", I want to be "in love", that dream you, breathe you, smell you, taste you, can't be without you type love.
9. I learned a long time ago that good sex does not mean good love.
10. I know that good love comes to those that wait... but how in the fuck long must I wait?
Anyway, this has been one of those nights that I couldn't sleep and my thoughts turned to love and my lack there of.
I thought I would just write something to let off steam and believe it or not, I feel somewhat better.
If this is what I know about love...
I'm so screwed.
But I can't help but hope that sometime, someday............
