I know I was born on November 17th in Wauseon, Ohio. My mom was 25 and my dad was 35. I had 5 brothers at the time and 3 sisters (1 brother and sister died shortly after birth...twins). I'm the only Yankee born into my family and that caused some problems.
Most of this I was told about after I got older so I don't know how much is real but I believe a lot of it was cause it would explain a lot of stuff that happened.
Like all children, I was born with a soft spot on the back of my head...but there was also a surprise in store for my mom...2 days after I was born there was a collection of blood cells that formed on my forehead as big as a half dollar. The Doctor at the time gave my mother 2 options. 1st was to take me in to surgery where i had a 50/50 chance of surviving or 2 leave it alone and see if it would go away.
My mom chose 2. She was told that since it was in the center of my forehead that my skull would always be soft there and never harden properly and that if I was struck there I could easily die or go into a coma so she was to make sure that until it was gone she would need to watch out and make sure I was not hit there.
That place never truly healed...yes the swelling and the redness left but anytime I was sick it was back and I have had migraines from it.
From what my sisters have told me my brother, who was 2 at the time, hated my guts. My father's mom had constantly told them that when I was born that they would no longer love them or want them and that they would be given away. The older ones knew it for the lies it was but my brother was only 2 at the time and he believed her.
My mother and sisters told me about him trying to smother me in my crib, hitting me in the head, and various other things.
We move from Ohio to another state when i was 6 months....I really don't remember much until I was around 4 or 5 and then not much.
I remember getting my smallpox vaccine...damn that hurt, my brother sitting on a piece of card board and me pushing him and then him getting in trouble
my first day at school,speech class, being made fun of and the normal bull. I got to be a child till I was 8 yrs old.
Books were my friends and school became my sanctuary, a safe place to be because I learned it was the only place that I couldn't be hurt like I was at home.True I had no friends as in kids my own age but we moved so much through my life it was a normal state of life...till I learned the reason why my father insisted on us moving.
I was 8 when my father first molested me. My mom worked 2 jobs cause my dad would drink up his check so the only time she was home was when we were in school. I learned what terror was that night.
The next morning I went to my grand mother's basement, took some loose wiring that was hanging from a beam, wrapped it around my neck and jumped off the chair.... Sometimes I regret it didn't break my fool neck. I slowly chocked, I still remember the feeling of lightheadedness that came over me towards the end. The next thing I knew was my brother, Little Bill, was leaning over me telling me I couldn't die....well he saved me.... only he saved me to be put through 8 more years of hell.
Before anyone asks, yes I told on my father, only to be called a liar and beaten by my grandmother, I didn't find out till after she died that she knew hat was going on and didn't stop it and turned a deaf ear.
When my father got tired of using me that way he found a new way to get his beer money; my mom had quit giving him money to drink, he started selling me to other family members and his friends.
I was told repeatedly that I was only worth the cost of a beer, and that since I was so ugly no one would want me...that no-one would ever find out....cause family keeps their secrets, even the ones that can kill ya.
What finally ended the torture was the last time my dad sold me, it was to my uncle. He had a secret of his own..he couldn't get it up unless he beat me or who ever he was with. Well as with most cases like that it finally got to the point where he couldn't get it up at all....he was so mad and so brutal. He decided that if he couldn't have a poke at me he's fix it to where no one else could. He beat me to the point where I was almost unconscious then he took a butcher knife and used it to fuck me.
I remember waking in the hospital, with my dad looking at me....he said i was to agree to the story that they told the doctors or he'd let my uncle have my little sister...I couldn't let that happen...so I agreed.
That may make me a whore and a slut in a lot of peoples minds but what could I do...I didnt want what happened to me happen to her.
When I was released form the hospital my father tried selling me again only to find out that I wasn't gonna be hurt no more. I sliced my cousins throat from his left ear to the middle almost before they got the knife from me.
you'd think with all this going on there'd be some sort of love from my brothers and sisters...but there's not.
I'll write more in the next one. People who want to know me need to understand that I'm mixed up and that I'm never gonna be normal.
