THE STELLA AWARDS
Time once again to review the winners of the Annual "Stella Awards."
The Stella Awards are named after 81 year-old Stella Liebeck who
spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued McDonald's (in
NM).
That case inspired the Stella Awards for the most frivolous,
ridiculous, successful lawsuits in the United States. According to
reliable legal analysts, for every idiot who wins a case, thousands
of other imbeciles don't make it that far. We can thank our lucky stars
for that, because it's you and me who end up paying for these mental
midgets awards when companies pass the cost on to the consumers.
Here are this year's winners:
5th Place (tie): Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded
$80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over
a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the
store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the
misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.
5th Place (tie): 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000
and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda
Accord.
Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of
the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
5th Place (tie): Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was
leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He
was not able to get the garage door to go up since the automatic door
opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the
door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut.
The family was on vacation, and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and
a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming
the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed, to
the tune of $500,000.
4th Place: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas, was awarded $14,500
and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next
door neighbor's beagle. The beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced
yard.
The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have
been just a little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who had climbed
over the fence into the yard and was shooting it repeatedly with a
pellet gun.
3rd Place: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson
of Lancaster, Pennsylvania, $113,500. after she slipped on a soft drink
and broke her coccyx (tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because
Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an
argument.
2nd Place: Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware, successfully sued the
owner of a night club in a neighboring city when she fell from the
bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth.
This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in
the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded
$12,000 and dental expenses.
And drum roll please...........
1st Place: This year's runaway winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma
City, Oklahoma. Mrs. Grazinski purchased a brand-new 32-foot Winnebago
motor home. On her first trip, from an OU football game, having driven
onto the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left
the driver's seat to go into the back & make herself a sandwich. Not
surprisingly, the RV left the freeway, crashed and overturned.
Mrs.Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising her in the owner's manual
that she couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded her $1,750,000
plus a new motor home. The Winnebago company actually had to change
their vehicle operating manuals on the basis of this suit, just in case
there were any other remaining morons still out there.
