WHAT'S IN COMMON?
What's in common between you and your significant other? What do you and your Dom/submissive share in common that lies outside the D/s relationship? Do these interests you share shape and form your relationship? All to often, it seems, people getting started in this lifestyle rely completely on D/s traits to pick their partner. I, for one, believe that being compatible goes beyond just the D/s aspects of life. For those looking for a long lasting relationship, it would be prudent to take into consideration the many issues life throws our way.
The D/s relationship in itself can be most wonderful, yet it can also be very trying. When you add in the issues surrounding day-to-day life, it becomes even more complex. Much like young people falling in lust as opposed to falling in love (puppy love as it is often called) the intoxicating affects of a D/s relationship can often cloud or hide the deeper issues involved in any strong relationship. Morals, ethics, hobbies, music, food, sports, religion, and any other aspect of your life that is important to you is something to consider when getting involved.
Dom meets submissive, they are attracted to each other and get involved before they learn more about one another. Their first experiences are wonderful, they spend lots of time together. They scene, they dote upon each other their devotion; they become consumed with this vision of complete harmony. They hastily make decisions to collar, to live with each other, to be 24/7. Then reality sets in and they discover that not all is well in Happyville. He likes sports, she hates them. She likes Opera, he prefers moto-cross. He's a meat-eater, she's a strict vegetarian. She likes going for walks along the beach holding hands with her pants rolled up, he prefers couch potatoing. Sure, it can be said that the submissive will enjoy what their Master enjoys (like it or not) but does that build a strong relationship or does that simply prolong the inevitable?
The process of getting to know each other needs to include more than just getting to know dominant and/or submissive traits. It involves learning about each other... in depth. When you become involved with someone, you become involved with the entire person, whether you like it or not. Not just the traits you like but also those that may often be hidden. Taking the time and, more importantly, putting forth the energy to discover what you do and do not have in common will be one of the best investments you ever make. For those that choose marriage and children, these "in common" traits will play themselves out on a daily basis. The rearing of children, the handling of money, the stresses of daily life at home and at work.
This subject is not new. There has been much written on this issue. At one extreme of the scale sits the dominant that will take complete control... the Total Power Exchange. Nothing short of the submissive that sits at the extreme other end of this scale will satisfy their need. Most of us sit somewhere more towards the middle. It is our ability to understand, compromise, change, tolerate... call it what you will, but it is this ability to learn and love an entire person that makes relationships work, any relationship.
The old saying "What you don't know won't hurt you" is so very far from the truth. Take the time, put forth the effort... find out what you do and don't have in common. It's just common sense.
written by: Nasty Prowler
