I had gone down to Florida for a few days to visit my best friend J back in June. While down there I made some observations and by the end of the trip realized that there was a whole world of difference between Florida and Detroit.
One of the things I noticed was that florida has alot of wildlife...and most of it wants to eat you. Alligators, Crocodiles, spiders, sharks, mosquitoes and man eating Lizards all waiting for you to make a false move so they can have thanksgiving dinner a little early. I for one didn't put much stock in the dangers of the monitor lizard as its name really doesnt strike fear. HOWEVER when I saw what I thought was a small dinosaur at the edge of the trees and J told me it was a monitor lizard I nearly wet my pants. Apparently they have no problem taking a limb or two off an unsuspecting human.
The other thing I noticed was that compared to Detroit the homeless people in Cape Coral look independently wealthy. One night J and I were driving through what Cape Coral citizens call the "Ghetto" and a man with a very shiny grocery cart and a rolex watch approached the car. He proceeded to ask us for change. Being selfish bastards we said that we had none and in a unpleasant turn of events that guy said "Well thank you anyway brothers" and walked away. You may be wondering why I refer to that as unpleasant. I guess it's because up here in Detroit if a homeless guy asks you for change and you say no he physically attacks you. I was told of a homeless guy near the Greektown casino downtown who after being turned down pulled out a can of mace and literally maced the shit out of the people who refused to share their change. I'm quite used to that by now so any response of kindness from a homeless person leaves me with quite a few ruffled feathers.
Going back to the wildlife I recall a conversation I had with a woman at a CVS drugstore in Fort Myers. She was telling me how the alligators are fearless and will attack any person no matter how big said person happens to be. I then informed her about the Ghetto deer that live on Belle Isle here in Detroit. For those of you that dont know there are some crazy albino deer that live in the ghetto island of Detroit. Said deer are completely white with red eyes. I refer to them lovingly as Demon Deer. However my point is that these crazy ghetto deer will attack a car if provoked. They will literally charge a car no matter how big it is. There have even been reports of them attacking people I believe even killing one of them. At any rate this woman is seemingly unimpressed with the Demon Deer until I recounted a story in which I took a $40 bet in high school and ended up with one of these deer chasing my car. Not wanting to be bested she then arrogantly told me that an alligator charged a 300 pound man. I smiled and than said "THIS DEER CHARGED A 2-TON MACHINE!" Look lady this isn't Bambi you are dealing with ok? It's a crazy fucking mutant deer that would probably try to eat your car if it caught up to it. Dont give me this shit about alligators until you see one charge a 2-ton machine ok! As it turns out the next day in the paper there was a story about an alligator that attacked an SUV. I'm guessing that somewhere in that house of hers that woman was laughing her ass off at me. Thats what I get for acting like a tourist
