Annelid's blog: "Ramblings,thoughts and assorted stuff"

Yah. That used to be my term of choice. It pretty much sums up everything. It's all encompassing. How was your day? Yah. Was work good? Yah. How are you feeling? Yah. I wish life could be so simple as to be synthesized down to a word one phrase. Ever get in one of those moods where you want little to no social interaction? I do..a lot. I'm extremely moody. Chipper one moment and silent the next. I get sooo into something for awhile and then quickly burn out on it,move onto something else,rinse and repeat. The one constant thing however is sadness. That's the one thing I can truly claim as my own. I'm the original Emo/Goth. Shudders. This past weekend I had a good friend come over and we drank and watched some movies. But more importantly we talked. Yes, I'm pretty much anti-social but occasionally I'm prone to talk/gab/schmooze. On my own terms. Anyways, we talked about life.... Yes, I know, it's a pretty vast subject to cover in one viewing of Pan's Labyrinth and a bottle of Jater but we managed. I mentioned that I can't really recall a time when I was "happy". Yes, getting a new synth or watching a amusing cat meets water hose video on Youtube is fun and all but the amusement wanes.. I never had the rise in the morning, throw open the window, see the bluebirds chirp,gosh it's great to be alive feeling. I wonder how I'd react, if at all. Not too sound totally emogoth but if it was up to me,I'd stay in bed all the time. It's where I'm safe and secure. Where I can dream. Where I'm in control of my destiny. Where good things happen. But alas, I can't sleep all the time, even though I've given it the old college try and did spend almost 48 hrs in bed. My mood swings get the best of me. I know this, and people who know me , know this. Alot of times I like to be alone. Not answering the phone. Nor going online. Just laying around mulling things over. That I ever come to any conclusions or have a ephiphony but it's nice to sit and think (or attempt to). I can be myself. I can go where I choose too go. Or not. I don't have to put on any "airs". Or be cutsey,or talkative. I can be me. Yah.