Annelid's blog: "Ramblings,thoughts and assorted stuff"

So I’m sitting here in my apartment….listening to music. I came across a tack I haven’t heard since, 1990. By Fierce Ruling Diva…called “Believe in something”. This version is the best….the whistles..the bass line….wow. I heard this at @ the Sound Factory Bar. For those who don’t know or care , it was a small club around the block from the LimeLight in NYC. The dance floor was always packed. Banji Boys, Fem & Butch queens and then me. When this song came on…. chaos reigned ! There was some house children there (and if you don’t know who they are…long story….for another blog). Runway…fierceness. Vouging cuntyness all around. Shade galore. Good times. I really do miss those times. Going to SFB or the plain old Sound Factory hearing Jr.Vasquez spin. Watching the Extravaganza’s own most of the floor. Hanging out with My friend Sean or Greg….pounding Ciscos and a j before going in. Since the club didn’t serve liquor it stay opened to Sunday morning or so. We stayed usually the whole time. Our heads reeling from the clubs massive sound and being in total darkness. Then we’d venture out into the day….g0d what a depressing thing…seeing the sun. ----------------------------------- Talking about depressing…next Saturday is my birthday. Yay. Detect sarcasm. I honestly didn’t think I’d make it to the ripe old age of 40. Yay part 2. I sit back and realize that I’ve accomplished absolutely nothing in that time. Other than leaving a wake of misery And false promises. Achieving not a blessed thing. Ever have those days when you wake up and then go back to bed? Where you say to yourself …what’s the point? My life is filled with empty promises. I lie even to myself. When I was younger I had such grandiose plans. Such dreams. But life has a funny way of putting roadblocks in it. I dipped and dodged usually running headlong into disappointment. I’ve pretty much given up on everything. I’m going through the motions. I do what I have to do, barely. I feel yet I don’t feel. I care but I don’t care. Nothing makes sense anymore, if it did at all. I take solace in the fact that nothing is guaranteed. I wish I could run away from myself but I can’t. It’s like watching a really bad movie But your compelled to stay to the end. A lot of times I wonder why I subject myself to the constant misery. I know the answer, why sugar coat it? It’s 2 fold really… I’m a wimp and I don’t want to cause any further aggravation for my parents. I figure they put up with enough of my shit through the years….the failures in work,life,love,etc. Other than those 2 reasons, I really see no reason to carry on with this thing called life. Getting back to the FRD song…If your gonna believe in something…I did at one time. That thing was hope. It’s long gone, snuffed out like a cigarette and flung to the floor. C’est la vie ----------------- Mood Music - Fierce Ruling Diva - Believe in Something Rhythim is Rhythim - It is what it is Baby Ford - Oochy Koochy MAW - the Ha Dance