anorexia....it's a disease that really isn't a laughing matter. it warps the mind of its victims and makes them want to look like scarecrows...well, scarecrows that vomit up all the straw put into 'em...but scarecrows nonetheless. anorexia isn't exactly an unknown thing, either. i mean, one of those olsen trolls has it...and she was on that hit tv show full house. full f'n house, people....if someone from full house gets something, you better believe it's well known...just ask uncle jesse.
no...not that uncle jesse....this one...
yeah...the uncle jesse seen there with a speedo-wearin' david hasselhoff...if you're hangin' with the 'hoff, you're obviously part of the 'in' crowd. but anyway, i gave you that little talk about anorexia so that i could better explain the anger i have about the following product...
anorex...a weight-loss supplement....but not just any weight-loss supplement...one that is "not to be used as a casual diet-aid." i suppose that warning on the bottom is suppose to stop the casual anorexics from using the product that shares the same name as a disease that infects the mind and murders people...and that's all fine and good, but the folks who want to casually become deadly thin aren't really the ones who need the warning, are they? no....i'm thinkin' it's more these people...
yup...the lasses that look like someone wrapped some wax paper around some tinker toys and placed a giant noggin' atop it....those are the folks i'm thinkin' about. the kind of folks whose strand of hair is close to being the same size as one of their arms. these folks are what the makers of anorex decided to name their product after...the model-wannabes who spend their spare time in middle-school science classrooms helping children learn what a patella is.
to show you the contrast of an anorexic and a normal person, here's some photos....
here's the most normal person i could find...someone who looks like everyone else...a stereotype for the general population of the world, so to speak...
and, with the help of state-of-the-art computer technology, here's that same person after becoming anorexic...along with his anorexic family members, comforting him about it...
scary, isn't it? see the difference? do you? that's what this product does to people....it transforms them from being average, normal-lookin' people to some sort of two-dimensional person created from crayons....FROM CRAYONS!! colored wax is going to be your future, folks....you're going to have to change your last name to crayola if you use anorex....and what if your name is carrie? carrie crayola?....that is a name that'll get you wedgies at school and/or work. wedgies: another side effect of this terrible disease.
i share your feelings, meager ma'am. it makes me want to vomit, too. this whole thing makes me ill. you know what else i hate about anorex? the fact that the drug has a side-effect that makes you believe you're a boxer. true story. here's my proof:
poor boxer...that gal is gonna cut him wide open with her razor-sharp forearm. that my friends, is called cheating. speaking of cheating, the anorex company has also been thowing various posters around...like this one here...
they're going too far, people....that anorex drug is going too far!! bewteen the weight-loss and the boxing, i've had enough. but what can we do to stop them? simple. we eat...we eat a lot...and then we'll beat anorexia.....which will, in turn, beat anorex. people say the united states is the most obese country in the world. i say we're not obese enough. get my drift? i want to go to a beach and see nothing but these bodatious babes lining the sands.
yes....i want our population to all look like the michelin man....rolls upon rolls of obese goodness. i want them to be like the pillsbury doughboy so when i poke them in the stomach, they let out an adorable giggle. adorable giggles, friends. what's what we need. and trust me, we can do this. we can get fat. we can beat anorexia...why, take a look at this fellow who grabbed anorexia by the throat and choked it until he could choke it no more...
he beat anorexia...and look!! he can wear the shirt he wore in high school again! so, listen up folks....i'm only tellin' ya once. go to burger king...put some pounds on yourself....make yourself so fat that psychologists use your stretch marks as rorschach tests for their patients. once we achieve our goal of getting fat, we can rid ourselves of that disgusting company and their tasteless product...how? by pushing our weight around, of course.
