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Its been a tough few months. I'd like to thank everyone that's been showing the "love" lately.
Right now my heart is hurting alot.Im sure many of you think that I need to get over it now. But unfortunately its not gonna happen anytime soon. I now carry guilt feelings for what decisions I made. Maybe they were best, but maybe they werent. I will never know. The burden of making decisions were thrust upon me, not by choice.but by necessity ,as no one else that should of been helping with the decisions would step up when they were needed, and it was left up to just me to make them.
I am sitting in the livingroom of my mommys and my home, thinking about how empty this place is without her. Her presense is mixed in with my presense everywhere. This is the only place I've ever called home no matter where I've been, it has always been "MY HOME"
Thanksgiving was pretty tough to struggle through and I'm sure Christmas is gonna be pretty hard to get through too. Holidays were always so important to her. Even when her dementia got worse...in May she would be talking about Christmas was coming and she wanted me to take her shopping so she could get presents. Now that its actually time to take her shopping,I can't. The house is undecorated no tree is up. I just have to figure out now how to get motivated to do them because I have to keep the holidays going for her. She'd be unhappy with me for not getting the stuff together so she could help get it done.
I KNOW that time heals..
