Yesterday was a very long day, and very tiring. We got out of th house on time for my 8 am appointment with my NP, just to see what kind of mental illness I'm really dealing with. Note: I was in a mental hospital in Ky, and there I was diagnosed with not only with Bi-Polar, but with PTSD, and I'm still suffering from PPD. But this time, more question were asked and another case was determined on what I'm really dealing with. BPD (boderline personality disorder) is the wrost depression known, and that's what I have. And according to my NP, she said that most antidepressants don't help that depression because it's that strong. But she is trying me on Cymbalta 30 mg and then after 7 days, she's is allowingme to have 60 mg for my antidepressant and I have to join group theropy, but also see my normal psychitrist for my situation. So that explains why I'm so depressed and down on myself with myself esteem and why I'm always thinking the unthinkable. I just wanna be a better mother for my daughters becasue they need me. I love them enough to go through this, just so I can handle my everyday life the way I ought to.
Then at 3, I had an appointment/orientation for my temp job at the DWS/Welfare. I'm being trained to do clarical work, filing, and other stuff. I have to dress in casual/business clothes, so Adam took me clethes shopping and shoe shopping. We went to Meryvens, and the business clothes are bufugly. Then we tried Dillards, and they had bufugly and expensive clothes. So we went to Journey's and got me my first pair of Dr. Martens, and a pair of sexy black heals, but classy. Adam actually apporved of them, and the 3 guys that worked there said they looked good on me. Maybe that was sales compliments just to get us to buy them, but hey, I gottem and they're cute. Then we went to this "Plastics" clothes shop, and I found 2 cute pamts and blouses, but because I gained a lotta weight, I couldn't fit into my regular size. I was so pissed off, and ready to give up. Finally he suggested Ross, I agreed, only because that was my last hope. Adam and I found 2 cute women business suits, and that was it. No tattoos allowed to be shown or piercings, so I couldn't get these cute business dresses or skirts, because I have a tattoo on each leg, and I have to take my skull bar out of my mouth, which pisses me off, but oh well, I need to learn something other than being a mother and house keeper.
Today was just a lazy day. I spent time with Trinity, an on Internet, not as much time with Adam as I wanted, but oh well, I can;t force him to be around me. We spent like maybe an hour or so doing silly things, but that's about it, besides eating together at the dinner table. I understand that he has to read his school books for homework and to study, but he's been pretty shady today. I'm not complaining too much because we all have our days. It's like 9:42 pm, and it feels later than that, and I'm freakin tired as hell. That's because of my Cymbalta and my Motrine. Ok, enough for now, I'm way too tired to think right now, and feeling like shit.
