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I was recently told i seem legit. I take that as a compliment. To many folks want to pretend. They think fantasy site so fantasy persona. I can understand that concept too. Nothing wrong with either concept. I just personally dont have the energy or the memory to keep up with duel personalities. I have enough up and down days that one personality is what you get. I dont play around. I am always up front and will answer questions honestly. I dont throw information out because frankly i dont think im that interesting a person. If you wanna know something ask.
I am a mess when it comes to love. Frankly i guess i just didnt get the script. People meet, people lust, people find connection, people fall in love, etc... etc.... etc.. Happy joyfull and uncomplicated. Ive been told things should just flow and nothing should feel forced. See the thing is im so stubborn i will fight againt my own feelings. I will look for something, anything, that will be a potential block and run with it. I will see things that i encountered in past experiances and no matter how great things might be.... i begin to doubt. Ive been told that there are three different ways to solve this. First, work through the issue. realize that the past is the past and each situation is unique. Second, ignore the panic. Ride it through. I see this as a potentially self distructive method myself. Third, Find someone who loves and accepts that you occasionnaly have doubts. Maybe even work on them together. But in reality.... not many who wont say i have eneough of my own problems why take on some eone elses. Either way. We all long for that human connection. That person we can just snuggle up to. Those loving arms that wrap around you in good times, passionate times, silly times and in bad. Maybe i do torpedo any chance at finding someone but maybe just maybe there is someone who would be my gunner. They say every peg has a hole. I hope to god they are right. Signing off for now. Ciao bellas.
What does a starshine need when depressed or angery? I need extra love and attention. I dont need some one to solve my problems. I just need a strong pair of arms and a distraction or three. Mint chocolate chip and a comedy would be nice along with those snuggles. Do not make any sudden mood changes around an angery starshine. If none of these things; love, distraction, icecream, sting arms, or attention, then please observe the starshine from a distance until the all clear is given.
Have you ever been working your ass off and wonder what it gets you? Are there times it seems everyone has things easier? Yeah im facing this right now. We where having a discussion in class today about proper uniforms. Much of the glass gleefully talked about new shoes and scrubs. They saw nothing wrong with spending $100 on shoes they would only use for work. I sat back and remebered the one pair of shoes i purchused a few months back so that i met uniform standards. I grudenly spent 30 so i would have a pair that lasted a while. Usually i dont feel envy but sometimes i think wow how do they get to spend that type of money when im working full time and sometimes dont know how ill pay the electrical. I keep reminding myself that i will have a better job once im done with school and clothes dont mean a thing. I just wish the green eyed monster didnt get in the way sometimes.
How do you unconfuse yourself. Your mind wants one thing on Monday and something else on Sunday. You swear you dont need anyone but you shiver in bed at night from the lonleyness. You throw yourself into projects to keep busy but cant keep the tears from occasionally running down your face. This starshine does not know what she needs or wants but thats okay. I'm not hurting or deciving anyone. I'm not leading anyone one or playing games. Maybe i am still finding myself but maybe i am what i will always be. Only time will tell and situations can change.
