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I am a mess when it comes to love. Frankly i guess i just didnt get the script. People meet, people lust, people find connection, people fall in love, etc... etc.... etc.. Happy joyfull and uncomplicated. Ive been told things should just flow and nothing should feel forced. See the thing is im so stubborn i will fight againt my own feelings. I will look for something, anything, that will be a potential block and run with it. I will see things that i encountered in past experiances and no matter how great things might be.... i begin to doubt. Ive been told that there are three different ways to solve this. First, work through the issue. realize that the past is the past and each situation is unique. Second, ignore the panic. Ride it through. I see this as a potentially self distructive method myself. Third, Find someone who loves and accepts that you occasionnaly have doubts. Maybe even work on them together. But in reality.... not many who wont say i have eneough of my own problems why take on some eone elses. Either way. We all long for that human connection. That person we can just snuggle up to. Those loving arms that wrap around you in good times, passionate times, silly times and in bad. Maybe i do torpedo any chance at finding someone but maybe just maybe there is someone who would be my gunner. They say every peg has a hole. I hope to god they are right. Signing off for now. Ciao bellas.
