had somewhat odd dreams lately and some nightmares. last night i had a dream of my ex we were sitting on my bed and she was talking to her dad i guess we were supposed to go somewhere for a holiday or something and she had said how i'm a big boy and can get there on my own or something i donno. i think it was a little sexual too. i actually slept 6 hours sunday night and all day monday but i don't remember any of the dreams except the two dreams i had in the last hour before work. i dreamt of my ex, and than i had a nightmare type dream. it seemed like a movie though that probably has come out. i saw the dream as a movie too. there was a guy and a girl i think maybe more people it was in a building that i think was underground. it would get dark than snakes would appear they sort of flashed blue and there poop glowed blue too.
they were sort of big but not huge at first and the guy and girl would shoot them. whenever it got dark cuz the lights flickered they would start to appear. than suddenly there were really huge ones and one of them started to eat the girl and the guy was shooting it with a machine gun and than another snake bit his arm as he was shooting the one that had eaten the girl. i'm sure there was a little more detail to it but that's the basis of the dream. it didn't scare me dreams don't scare or bother me. well i got a bit frightened when i dreamt of a ghost a few days in a row in minnesota but it was almost a good frightened i had hoped for something more. those dreams i would dream of waking than some scary stuff would happen than i would wake for real. one day though i donno if i was awake or not i remember my jacket was in the air..
i think the nightmare was good though because it gave me something to think of to keep me going because my alarm didn't go off so i had to run to the bus so i sort of used the nightmare and thinking of love and fighting for love to run enough to get there. i seem out of shape or i just ran rather fast but i didnt seem to run far and my heart was burning :/ used to be able to run miles and not be bothered i think its because i was running faster than ussual and i still have good endurance but i've lost my ability to run at faster speeds from not really running much in years. i was thinking of someone i love being eaten by the snake and holding her hand for dear life. than was thinking and if it were like that and there was nothing i'd do if i loved her i would shoot her to end her pain and than shoot myself.. i wouldn't want someone i love to suffer that. than the thought led to holding said person in death and being all close and away from the world :)
nothing else much is new work was ok. boring because it's slow, i'm tired of working near my foster sister and seeing people be lazy but didn't get to me too much last night i didnt seem to run into people too much was nice just working in silence as i try to do for the most part. i think the wheather is making me tired. i've had a desire to lay in bed and not really do anything lately yet at the same time laying in bed always feels lonely. sometimes my friend is over but that always leads to more :/ though i don't think i should do stuff with her.. doesn't feel right.. and than if we just lay and i start to fall asleep i just think of someone else.. which isn't right. i donno i feel more completely laying next to someone and sleep better but still it's best to suffer alone if it's not someone you love i guess. though perhaps i always will be alone anyways.. meh donno.
but yeah that's my crazy dreams. think i had more the night before but don't overly remember them i remember i had another dream of ravyn and we were umm running around the track at school i think and some dream of these flying creatures trying to break into a building to steal another creatures child or something weird like that not sure. seem to have a mix of nightmares last two days. it's sort of weird because i haven't dreamt of ravyn in about 5 months because my mind has been so occuppied with many people being close to them and thinking of life so much i sort of finally forgot her. but i'm not bothered by the dreams anymore and they don't cause me to want to be with ravyn so much as they used to. i know i miss what we had i've not had so much or shared so much with anyone else i nthe world, but i know it's not worth dying for..
but i'll keep breathing and i'll find the girl worth dying for.. or force my heart open more each day until she see's who i am.. but that's it here's to hoping that it's worth to breath :) and if not at least i tried and eventually i will die.
