Today I woke up with a Fuzzy feeling. I really didn't know what today would bring since the husband was up before me, and the rest of the household. My friend had 3 loads of laundry done before I got up and 3 pots of coffee gone too. So she made another pot for me and handed me a cig from the tray that we roll on. My husband started in on me again this morning and just started bellowing about everything. He said that he was going to scrap out the jeep because it wouldnt start and he also said that he was sick and tired of being a sobber one he would rather drink and be drunk. This really hurt my feelings again. Whats new right? Well yes your right this isnt new but something hit me this morning and I really think that it was reality. I been hurt so bad for so long that I didnt know how to feel, I mean really feel. So I really haven't been talking a whole lot today and the kids even wonder whats going on inside momma's head. But I kept reasuring them that momma's ok and that things were fine. After this I was in the bedroom folding clothes and the children come in and start telling me that they love dad but they want him to leave for a while. Ya know that I understand this. I told them yes I know and this will happen in time. Like next week. I dont really know if he is going to jail next week but I do know we lookin for rehab places to get him into. He put the woodstove in today, I think he knows the judge might put him away for a bit since he didnt go to all his aa meetings and he was supposed to get 15 applications in before the court date. So anywho I dont know what is going to happen he is pissed at me right now or still because I can't go to his court day. I have to work to keep this family going. Its not that I don't want to go its that I don't want to lose my job over it. I love my kids and I know that they love me but sometimes it seems like I lose feeling with them when they think they got to have something and I can't give them what they want. And guess what the day really aint over yet....
