I was reading the blog of a friend ( http://www.myspace.com/_amanda_panda) that sent me on this little rant. It reminded me so of things from the past that I had to write this and let it all out. Thank You Amanda.
In Love If You Are Not Yourself Is It Really Love At All?
In love if you are not yourself is it really love?
Years spent trying to conform
to an image of
the behave christian
the model mother
the caring wife
the sensitive lover
yet somehow
I always came up short
felt useless
unloved
drowning in a pool
of degradation and hate
why?
the desire to be all
another's everything
my undoing
my disgrace
one day I awoke
to find I was no longer me
nor all he wanted
nor all that he did need
up I rose
grasped the reins
of a horse running out of control
I grew me wings
off I flew
to search once more for me
the woman I loved
the girl within
the woman I knew
was hiding
lost in pain
drowning
frowning
hurting and sore
hurting from all the pain she bore
starting over
I found myself
starting again to grow
back to being me
strong and forward
sweet and kind
heartful
soulful
tainted yet bold
never again
will I let me go
for I am a woman
and so
this woman I am
would have you to see
love's only love
when you love all I be
