Ya know I am a lot of things . . . I am something different to each person I meet and to each person I talk with but the fact is that I am always me and that is not always a pretty thing to have to be. I will not sit here and complain abotu my life because so many others have a life so much worse than mine, but I have found some things in my life recently that I have got to change in order to make me who I am striving to be.
I need to address issues in my lfie that I have let get out of hand and move to far forward without me putting a stop to them. I have been drug into situations that I am unsure of how I even got there. I must have said something, I must had made some move . . . but it needs to be rectified before I can get to where I want to be in life. There are poeple, places, and things that I need to remove, that I need to let go of, that I need to move on from. I can't grow with them and they can't grow with me.
How do I move on and find happiness when I have things that hold me back? How can I move ahead when there are things that question the motives in my mind? How can I become who I truly want to be when some will not let me go?
I have hit this spot in my life - a crossroads where I am unsure as to who I am to some of these people. People seem to expect me to be what they want me to be all of the time - but the fact is that I am not what they want me to be - I am what I want to be. They have somehow in their mind twisted and shaped me into something that they could have and hold when in reality that is not what is going to happen. They are expecting me to cater to them and I do not cater to anyone.
I live my life as it needs to be lived right now. I go to work, I take care of those that need me when I am there. I come home and pay my bills and take care of my son. I do this becasue it has to be done and I expect no one else to take care of such things for me. But I seem to have found that this is no longer enough for me - I want more. I want to be able to come home and have someone to confide things in - someone to talk with - someone to share with. When I say this people always assume that it means that I have found someone and am planning on spending my life with this person - not the answer my friends.
The truth of the matter is that I have met many people, each of which has given me a better understanding of who and what I need to be. Each one shown me another aspect of my personality that I may not have seen before. These people have opened up a new part of my life that I am ready to explore. That doesn't mean that I am going to do so with any of those that have helped me. I will find who I want and eventually get the life I want . . . why settle for less after all?
