HPesky Telemarketer

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, "Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?" This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?" The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood." I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case. I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice. Then I proceeded to tell him that we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away. My wife asked me, as I returned to the table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes. My meal was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable.

Ten Reasons Why TV Is Better Than The World-Wide Web

1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Friends" and got a "Not Found 404" message? 3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV. 4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard. 6. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign. 7. "CSI" never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 8. You just can't find those cool infomercials on the Web. 9. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to cable. 10. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a soda in one hand and chips in the other.

Eye Laugh

Cassie was taking two of her grandsons on their very first train ride, from Dayton, Ohio, to Washington, DC. A vendor came down the corridor selling Pop Rocks, something neither had ever seen before. Cassie bought each grandson a bag. The first one eagerly tore open the bag and popped one into his mouth just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his brother and said: "I wouldn't eat that if I were you." "Why not?" replied the curious brother "I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

For The Kids...

What is posthumous work? Something written by someone after they are dead! What is the most slippery country in the world? Greece! What is the strongest bird? A crane! What is the smelliest city in America? Phew York! What did the fireman's wife get for Christmas? A ladder in her stocking! Who was the best actor in the bible? Samson, he brought the house down! What cake wanted to rule the world? Atilla the Bun!