CantSleepClownsWillEatMe's blog: "Lost"

You walked into my life like a wind in the night having to deal with me put up a fight I have never had a prince charming before someone that I can simply adore You held out your hand, as I pushed it away but now my love i will take it each day. Walk with me and beside me, hold me tight and pull me even closer in the dead of the night. An Angel with wings you must be I have never had anyone as special to me Soon our heartbeats will become one As our new found love had just begun.

So many nights I have sat by my pc, in search of something I did not know. So many hours feeling all alone, searching out what I still did not know. Turning to chat, searching for someone that was like me. After two years of chatting I do think I have found my soulmate. Scary as it may be he is in Germany and I am moving to Germany very soon. This is going to be the biggest adventure of my life since I cant speak German (except Jagermeister, lol). I am hoping to learn quickly. Leaving behind here a life that seems to have no meaning, hoping to enter a life that is promising and fulfilled. I dont know why I am writing this, just something to get off my chest...........

My hunni wrote this....... Take my hand my sunshine, I wish to help you along. Just knowing there are two of us can help to make you strong. I know life seems unfair and sometimes gets you down, but know that I am here for you I will always be around. So set a day aside and together we will walk down all your troubled pathways,for it helps sometimes to talk. If you should need some time to do this on your own, then I will be here waiting since you wish to be alone. I guess I want to say that I hold our Love dear. And if you ever need me just reach out,cause I am here. In Love Rudi ======================================= My reply: I will take your hand for I have already taken your heart. I am begining to understand the strength of two. Life does seems unfair at this moment for me, yet I know life will only begin when I go to Germany. At that time there will be two of us to walk, you will understand my troubled paths so much more at that time. I too hold our love dear and strong, cuz without your love I would be a weak mess. You are my love!

you know that i love you, you know that i care, i am not running, for i do not dare. you hold out your hand, yet i push it away, i am so scared my independence will fade one day. You say that you need me you say that you care, please dont come and overbear. when i need space, when i need time the best thing to do is stop and rewind. i am not good at expression of the way that i feel, even though for your love i would kill. neither of our hearts are a play thing, nor are they a toy, for the love that we share is a great big joy. the day that i hold you and look into your eyes, is the day that all of fear will subside. so please be patient, please understand, i am fragile and looking towards the promised land. With many promises broken in my past, i tend to run and run very fast. Rudi, i am not running from you, nor am i pushing u away, theres just moments in my life when i need my own day. i love you, i need you this is true, so baby just know my heart belongs to you.

I am sitting here thinking about love. The love of an angel in Germany has taken me in his arms and lifted me high. As in to protect me from all the troubles I am going through right now. The love that shouts out at me the harder I try to push him away. I have never known a man to be so persisitent, any other person would have given up and said the hell with this girl. But not my German, he is an amazing man with amazing qualities. This is the first time in my life I have ever felt a love so strong, a bond that can not be broken or bent no matter how hard I try.

How can one feel so lost, yet feel no pain? How can one be the ship that is sinking deeper and deeper into their own mind? How can one wish for hope, when all they see is despair? How can one slip so far, that there is no place left to fall? How can one be holding tightly to the knot in the end of the rope, yet feeling it slip away between their fingers. How can one be asking these questions, and not taking the steps?