KosmoKramerTheAssMan's blog: "Should I Stay or Should I Go? (Relationship Stuff)"

So here I was, mad and upset with her for the things she said and how she was acting altogether. At this time, all the things about her that nag me also came to the front of my mind. Yes, she has mannerisms that I don't like. For example, she'll just randomly say 'blahhh' if she can't think of anything else to say and she'll even text it to me every so often. I also started discovering more about her. I turned my phone off, I didn't feel like talking to her. I had nothing to say to her and I didn't want to hear anything more that she wanted to say. That Sunday, I logged into MySpace because it told me I had a crapload of messages from her, so I figured I would see what she had to say at this point. Nothing new really. I just find it funny at how she doesn't want to hurt me, then she starts doing this crap. I started looking around myspace a bit and I noticed she had posted bulletins--you know, surveys and crap--but cleverly gave them titles such as "This weekend sucks", etc. Needless to say, I eventually turned the phone on and she somehow convinced me to come over to her place (oh yeah, she kept begging "please, please, please,....." until I said yes. Somehow we ended up making up. But, even now it seems odd. I can't forget what happened; I can't forget how she made me feel; and I can't forget all the crap that annoys me about her. She also seems to have picked up this annoying habit of trying to sound like some 'cute' girl by talking like a child. This has only started happening the past couple of days. Great, one more annoyance..... I know I probably sound like a dick, but I don't really know how to get my mind back before all this happened. I feel like my feelings are changing and I don't know if I can recapture the feelings from before.

So, I got into a big argument with my girlfriend over the past weekend due to us not seeing each other as much as she'd like. I'm not trying to sound like I don't want to see her more--if possible, I would like to see her more but it isn't really possible at this point. Anyway, she is always complaining because she only gets to see me once or twice on the weekends. Usually we only get to spend Saturday or Sunday together because I fly home on Friday nights and I usually have a lot to catch up on during the weekends. So, this Saturday we were going to spend the majority of the day together alone without having to worry about her son or her mom. We were just going to spend time together doing whatever. I get headed towards her house and call her to let her know that I'm on my way but she doesn't answer so I leave her a voicemail letting her know I was on my way. I get a text message back from her within a few minutes saying she didn't feel like doing anything and she didn't feel like seeing anyone. It was very different from how she was speaking the night before so I was a bit upset. I essentially rubbed it in her face that she ruined a chance to see me when she complains that she doesn't get to see me much. It isn't usually how I act, but I was a bit upset as I wanted to spend the day with her and I really looked forward to it. She eventually emails me on myspace. The message was nothing but a frowny face! So I emailed her back and pretty much reiterated what I said about never getting to see each other, etc. She ends up telling me she's so worried about me ending things and she feels like she's disconnected from me and that she doesn't feel like she has a boyfriend most of the time. This wasn't the first time that she's said this so it upset me even more. I don't know how else I can make her feel more connected! We talk on the phone most every night (unless she's in bed at 8pm) and I see her on the weekend at one point or another. I'll pick back up on this in a bit....

So, Amanda and I have almost made it 3 months, which is a real accomplishment for me considering that I travel for work and I'm only home Friday night through Monday morning. I only see her once a week, if I'm lucky. She only lives about 30 minutes from me, but I'm so tired on the weekends that I consider myself lucky that I have the energy to spend a day with her. She's worth it, I love spending time with her but things have been a little shaky lately. First, I'm not the most talkative on the phone--especially after a long day of work. I might tell you about a mishap at work or something random at work but beyond that, I'm not going to bore you (or anyone else) with the details. Whenever Amanda and I talk on the phone, she does most of the talking. I'm not complaining about that, I'm just stating the truth with that. I don't typically have a lot to talk about with her. We don't share a lot in common musically (except that she wants me to play guitar for her) so I can't really talk about the cool Blackmore's Night CD I found at Best Buy and I could really care less about the new T-Pain CD. The more I think about it, it saddens me that we don't have a lot to talk about on the phone. But, when we're together everything is great. I can't get enough of her, we're always holding each other's hands or hugging. She's great, I haven't been so happy in a long time. But then, I think about how she acts when we're not together. She'll get upset and say stuff like she 'doesn't feel like she has a boyfriend sometimes' and other things along those lines. The next morning she apologizes and everything is supposedly great again. Until she says something of that nature again. I don't know what to do anymore. I love her, I care about her but how do I keep it all together? :-

I haven't posted much in here lately, although I'm sure I could come up with some things to write about I just haven't had a lot of time. Anyway, on to the point... In the course of working and being around certain coworkers over the past 8 or so months, I've found myself attracted to one in particular and I don't know if I should pursue it or just let it go. First of all, she's probably out of my league. From what I can tell, she's from a family that has at least some money. I could be wrong, either way it's not the big issue with me except that I come from a family that has done all it can just to get by. I'm not knocking my family by any means, I'm thankful for them and grateful to have my family but I feel almost like the bus boy of a fancy restaurant that's infatuated with a customer...it's just something that wouldn't work. I think we have a couple of things in common or I wouldn't even be considering this at all. I just think I'm reaching out a bit far, but she's nothing like any of the women I've ever been out with and that's a good thing (in my opinion, at least). I'm not too concerned with the consequences of dating a coworker, when this project is finished she and I would likely be on different projects anyway. That's about all I have to say on this subject for right now, but I may revisit it in the near future. Opinions are always welcome.

After thinking about it a LOT, I decided to end my relationship with Mandy. While I do agree that communication is key, the communication was not there to the degree it really should have been. I can't blame her for everything, it's equal effort..or a lack of. I'm not closed to the idea of a relationship at this point in my life but it's got to be something simpler than what I was dealing with previously. No guessing games, no head games. I always wondered what others meant by 'playing games' because it's not something that I had really experienced before, until now. Now I know what to steer clear of next time.

Ok, so I've been dating this girl since August and things seemed to be going good for a while but things went from great to outright strange last week. We were text messaging each other last Wednesday night and I fell asleep. I sent her a message while I was at work to apologize for falling asleep and she seemed all upset, claiming to feel neglected and overlooked. Realize, this is in text form, I have no idea what inflection is used because it's not like I can hear her or anything. When I ask what's wrong, she said she was just joking and if I felt bad then it's because I have a guilty conscience. The text messages are getting stranger and she seems like she's either messing with my head. She told me the last time we saw each other that we wouldn't be able to see each other for three weeks (which means we'd see each other this weekend) and last Friday she asked me if we were even dating any more since we hadn't seen each other for two weeks. Then...last night she sends me a message telling me she's moving to North Carolina. I asked if she was serious. In turn she asked me if she sounded serious and I told her I couldn't hear her. I haven't heard from her since. I wrote her back and asked her if she was serious but I never heard anything and then I flew out to TX today. I could call her, but I can't help thinking that maybe I should just assume she's moving to North Carolina. I have a lot of stress going on right now with work and really couldn't focus on a relationship that's taking place 700 miles away. Am I wrong for thinking that? Am I wrong for just giving up?