troubledone's blog: "To my Friends"

why did he have to do it.... why wouldnt he listen to me... now its prision for him. Id been puttin off that fone call for a while now... never bein able to get tha bad feelin out... so that cal came to me... Now i feel horrible for not callin sooner... hearin his voice tellin me all this... i duno, i jus wish things could be different. I jus wish that everything was right in tha world. It seems that when things start to feel right an good somethin bad happens to bring me down again... This is tha first time ill be visitin someone in jail.. im nervous as hell.. but i jus wanna see him. i miss that boy. dumb..... but i love him. Everyone has to learn from their mistakes and i guess its time for him too.. I jus cant help but be myself and caring soo much. Especially for someone who has been nothin but supportive for me. Im always goin to be there for my friends... Its jus the person i am. It sucks when things go horribly wrong.. but im not goin to punk out on any of my friends... Thats for sure.

im sick of being there for people and worrying about them. I feel almost disrespected... I dont know what to think, say or do. Its in my nature to be there for my friends but its wearing on me when i dont know whats going on. I try so hard to make everyone happy and all it seems to do is make me unhappy. I dont think thats very fair at all. OK so its not really about helping people and all that.... its just ive been so stressed about everything in my life and its been so hard to deal with other people when i feel so miserable myself. I cant explain it, all i kno is ive been a real jerk to some people lately and i cant explain it. I just wish things were easier.. AHH i dont kno how many times ive said that but i do wish that with all my heart. I wish i knew what was going on. I wish i knew what to do about everything. I wish i could make everyone happy. *sigh* but most of all i wish i could do everything right.. be the person everyone wants me to be, because i hate disappointing people. I feel so low right now because the few people i wanna talk to right now either arent answering or are in jail or are sleeping. I know that i can call some special friends but i would rather not bother them right now... I dont want to burden others with my problems. Im the friend that fixes theirs or at least makes them feel better. i duno.. im goin to stop thinking and veg out infront of my movies for now.... maybe its best this way....

Betty.... sometimes girl.... I just dont kno what to do. I love you so much and i wanna be there for you for everything. But i cant. I wish i could make all the bad just disapper but since we are in real life i cant. I dont know what to say about last night/this morning except i love you with my whole heart and i never want anything bad to happen to you. Im always goin to be here when i can. I can only say that ill do my best... I can only hope its good enough. Ive been with you since Kindergarden and i dont plan on leaving anytime soon... just remember that babe.... I LOVE YOU!!!!

Sweetie you are a true friend. You listen to me and really help me out... It hurt when Kris called me and told me you were in the hospital. My heart dropped... I couldnt do anything to help you for obvious reasons. I just cried... In my head I kept thinking that nothing could happen to you cuz you made me a promise, and you dont break your promises... But then when he told me it was bad, that the doctors said it didnt look good... I couldnt help but fear the worst. You REALLY had me worried.. I didnt wanna lose such a good friend so quick. I dont really know you all that well but id like to. Theres something about you, you really help me out and know what to say. You say what I need to hear which is not always what I want to hear. Your a great person... Selfless and ever so sweet. Im soo glad youre alright and i can call you still. Ill be here for you as much as i can okay? Dont hesitate to call me up. Show my boy some love everybody hes the best friend you could ever ask for!

Who really are my friends? People that are there for me when i need them or call me back when they say they will. Sure things happen but come on. If i get guilt trips about not calling back when something comes up it should at least go both ways. There are few friends that have been with me through the hard shit and i really appreciate that. More than they will ever know... I guess i dont really know why im writing this but whatever. Thanks for readin my nonsense...

Sara sara sara... what to say about you.. You've been through a lot in your life and even though i dont understand it all you know ive been there for you. I may not always have the answers but i listen really well. You were there for me through the loss of my baby and i can never repay your kindness. I can only hope that things will start to look up for you but you know i am always there. A shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to your problems.... Anything you need and i am able to help, trust ill be there. I love you sara and never forget that im your friend for life. Ill be here for you always as im sure you will do for me. Thanks dear.....

Hey girl i love you like my own sister... Your like the sister i never had. You've always been there for me. And i have all the love and respect in the world for you. Ill always have your back and i know you've got mine... Thats how it should be and thats how it will always be. We've been through it all and you've been my everything. We go way back to kindergarden and you know that nothing will seperate us. I know ive fucked up more than my fair share and we've always seem to get past our differences. You keep me sane which is more than i can say for a few people. I love you girl and ill always be there for you the best i can. I LOVE YOU BETTY!

You are a special friend to me.. You were there to listen when a lot of people couldnt. You dont judge. You dont look down on me. You look past my flaws and see a good person. That means a lot to me. Im glad to have someone so real as a friend. Someone who cares about what goes on in my life and who asks me questions about it even when i dont want to answer. (but really need to talk about it) Its funny how someone i just met and barely know could make me feel so happy and make me smile when i dont want to... Thank you for being there for me, like any good friend would. I promise ill be here for you too, no matter what. So thank you from the bottom of my heart for just being you... :) Im soo glad I got to talk to you again. It means a lot to me that you care to call me. Its nice to have some around. I really enjoy all our conversations, theres never a dull moment with you which is great too. I cant even find the right words to say about you. All i know is that i love talking to you and your a great guy and friend... An all around nice person who'll always have a special place in my heart. Good night Jamie....