I dealt with a lot of shit today. i talked to my mom about all the things ive gone through this year. it hurt her and i didn't want too but she needed to know.i even showed her my arm.i explained that its a way of protecting myself. if people see this stupid chick with hate carved into her arm they wouldn't be likely to talk to her or want to get close ... unless they are crazy.thats my main goal.. to not be hurt i know its a goal that will never actually become a reality but it makes me feel a little bit better to see that ive gone through so much and that im still here.its rough and i would really like to shoot myself at times , but life will get better.its got too... cant get any lower than this year anyway... i fucking hope!i lied about something really really horrible but for some reason i felt it was my only option... very fucking stupid and fucked up.i moved a shit load of boxes.. actually my moms entire storage unit for my mom, because my brother like most other people found booz more important than people. Thats been a big factor in why my life has sucked lately, people are Flakes and don't realize how much the little things they don't do hurt people.Its funny i see my sister who lives in another state more often then my brother and hes just a city away, its pretty sad that he wont be a part of us.in a way i understand why hes not around though.My family is fucking crazy, if you couldn't already tell from all these stupid blogs and pictures i post.I want to run away too. alot! but even though they haven't always been there in the way ive needed them, we have this river of red liquid that matches each other in some way hahahaha and that kinda keeps us connected even though were so far apart.As for me i explained how i feel to my mom and how i could never talk to her about things because shes a fucking blabber mouth and i told her about my baby and all the drama that came with it, then i told her if she said anything to anyone about it id never ever fucking ever speak to her again. i think she finally got it.im fine with people knowing now, but its my life to tell not hers.i blubbered like a baby for an hour until i puked my brains out hahah that was fun.. but hey at least im getting skinny. im so bad.as for what i want to do with my life. i wanna be a hippie chick again.thats the real me of course with a twist hahah tattoos , a shit load of ink, and a bad attitude when i need too have one.oh i also forgot to mention music. music is just me! i don't think my voice is good but people have always told me i sing well so what the fuck.besides performing is what i fucking live for. i can also do side stuff like photography , and teaching.Ive got to grow up a lot though.as for boy toys and tit's , well ive got the rest of my life to be a bad girl, and trust me i will be. as for that baby thing. that sucked and always will but i did the best i could in the situation and did the best thing for me , the fetus , and all you awesome tax payers. as for the future, i have no fucking clue what it holds but i hope its good and if not well then i can always bum it with my guitar at Venice Beach hahahah. ITS GOING TO BE OK. LOVE WHAT YOU HAVE, EVEN IF ITS SHITTY IT COULD GET WORSE AND ... WELL PEOPLE WILL LIKE YOU MORE IF YOUR HAPPY AND LOVING TOO...unless there a scrooge
