Lesava's blog: "Nikki's Views"

I have been away from this site for quite a while; I've returned, but I am a very changed person from what I was when I left.

I have been hurt so often, I have lost count. Men and women both, it has been so very painful. Friends betray me, lovers say I'm too passionate (still trying to figure this out), family treat as a black sheep because I am not married, not college educated and not with children. I am not sure what is expected of me, but as of right now my thinking on relationships of all kinds has changed distractedly.

I am not actively looking for romantic entanglements, I welcome friendships greatly, but betray me at all, and the friendship is done. Once my trust is broken, it can't be won back. The chances I have given so many people, some in my family, was squashed, and I just have to be done with those people. I don't have the time, and anymore, sadly, I don't have the patience.

I used to be called "too nice", always dependable, would help people to my own detriment most of the time. Well, that is done, to a very large degree. I have spent most of my life concentrating on other people, and I have to be selfish for a while. For my health, physical and emotional, I need to concentrate on my own needs, and make sure that I am ok.

I haven't been all right for a long time; that ends now.