Lesava's blog: "Nikki's Views"

OK how am I dealing with everything? Well I think I'm going through the phases of grief, like you would if you lost someone in your life. I lost my life, in a sense, and I am still dealing with it. But I have had progress, at least I think that I have.

 The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I have done denial, definitely. It wasn't real for a LONG time, and once I started seeing the pictures of our house burned down, I got past that. Now the anger I have had for a LONG time, but it didn't really hit until I saw the house in person. I realized that even though there was a fire hydrant across the street from our house, it was never utilized, because the fire was so quick, no one could get down to our area to do anything. If we had turned our sprinklers on the house on, MAYBE the house might have made it. But we didn't because the water was needed in the hydrants that ALOT of the time didn't get used; yes I got pissed off at this point, and I discussed it with my brother, and he felt the same way at the time. 

Bargaining never happened for me, only because there was nothing to bargain for, honestly. New Years Day I started feeling the depression, that is still ongoing. I went up last weekend to Portland for a couple of days to have some “me” time. I hadn't had time to myself since the fire on November 8^th, and I needed a breather from Mom, the dog, from the whole situation. I saw an old friend, went to his concert, and had two days in a hotel room to do whatever I want. Rest, write, play on the computer, sleep, whatever. I needed that so badly. It helped a lot, but while I was there, the depression still kicked in hard.

I think once we move into our new house on February 15^th, I will have acceptance and can move forward. I am going to feel the depression till then, I think. Maybe not, it's a day to day journey, and I am trying to deal with things as they come along. I am just so ready to move forward, get our own place and just have my own life. We deserve it after this damn fire!!!