you'd think i'd feel happier since i just got paid but i rather feel like shit. atleast i have today off though. i slept alot and still didn't want to get up cuz i felt exhausted, but i had to go get my check and stuff. i guess my "aroma" offends some people at work, i had a little note with my check. the manager said she didn't notice cuz she has alergies right now, but i guess someone complained. i don't get it because i shower almost every day before work. guess the last few days i wasn't as good about it but ussually i am. so i don't see how i smelled more then maybe one day or something.
so ya that made me feel gross and feel like shit, and it's not the first time i've been told that. so it makes me feel like i'm just disgusting though i still don't get it because i shower regularily and everything. i ussually don't wear deoderant but you shouldn't have to if you shower regularily. and i hate the smell of cologne so i don't like wearing that, but i guess if i have to so people don't bitch about it and make me lose my job.
i feel like even if i shower daily and use deoderant it won't change. i donno im just tired of shit. it's rather annoying and things effect me so easily but there's not alot i can do about it, i try to not let things get to me or think about it too much but in the end it still makes me feel like shit whether i obsessively think about it or not.
i dont want to go back to work now cuz i'll feel awkward around people but whatever can't do alot about it. one day i'll just be a musician and writer and not have to worry about people. whatever i just feel like shit, it never really leaves it seems, i get a few minutes of feeling alright but i lost everything that mattered to me and no one is going to be there to pick me up again so i ought to accept it and deal with it as always.
