Dolly Rotten's blog: "Dd/lg *little* hearted"

When it all gets to be too much, when I finally admit the skin I am in.. When I accept defeat I almost always turn to you. For all of the good in me I can be so screwy.. And for all of the wild in me I can be so melancholy..

Hands reaching through invisible walls, dripping of ink, smearing my soul?
Screams breaking out, slipping through lips tied shut?
A hollow mind leaks tragic thoughts of a bleeding impurity..
I have, Have I? Lost control?
Little girls in clean white dresses, chant out in sing songy ways, Ring around the rosie pocket full of nothing... wake up wake up..
its all gone now.

I remember the summer you got that car. How fast it drove, and certainly how far. My hand out the window making a little bird.. Sun light fell warm on my closed eye lids... I remember thinking all the things I thought.. too sacred now to mention..
I remember everything. The way you walked away the last time I saw you. Your halt tilt left and your keys tapping..

All that came to pass did so.. The things now, we wish we would have known? A weeks precious time between our insignificant goodbye and the day you died. Many things you were, but most of all you were my best friend.

My soul screamed and curdled turned bad the moment I saw your car. Twisted like sick joke but permanent. The blood on the road had no warmth.. Everyone assumes that's when I lost it.. When I grabbed frantically at the ground for your warmth.. in the almost dried blood.. No ones ever reached harder.. for something that obviously just didn't exist anymore. I clawed at that pavement till my fingers turned angry and then I rose up and waged war on myself. You left me. God damn it.

There was too much we were to do together, and see?
Living with out you has been a lesson in breathing..
Everyday, I do it differently.

When we were kids, and we played king and queen..
You always knew me best. You always saw the best in me.
Sometimes I fight with my beliefs just to give myself a feeling-
like maybe, from somewhere- so distantly, you can still see..
The good parts, still burning hidden deeply inside of me.

You always kept me from eating myself.
From vanishing, or even being too seen..
With you gone, there isn't much that keeps me from doing anything.
In one contradicting movement I reach for the stars..
and cut out my heart.