wow today started off really shitty and somehow has ended up being very good. well in some ways. first of all we did screw up on my income taxes so i am getting it all back instead of owing money thank god :) two i ended up working tho i havent slept in now over 30 hours (i needed the money to make rent) and then well this is good and bad but dean was pissed off when i saw him tonight because of how the week has been with out me working. he almost quit it was so bad with my not working before him (dustin and joe don't do crap) dean is already packing meaning i will most likely be taking over midnights soon meaning more money, a normal sleeping schedule ect.
and another brighter note i got to work for a few hours with felicity which was nice because i like working with her, well i just like hanging out with her in general. i was wide awake and almost hyper at work because i got there and was overwelmed. kim does jack shit so i had to put away groceries stock the cooler tons of stuff to keep me awake. felicity had come over before work and ann ended up calling me asking me to come in, i was gonna go to bed once felicity left but ended up going to work with her. i wanted to fall asleep on her lol but i think that would be going too far for friends. somewhat confused about how close i'm allowed to be, because i'm used to friends that i'm so close to i can cuddle with them and fall asleep on them and such and it's not weird or anything. but, she has a bf and it's not someone who im good friends with. where as such as with john and emi when they were together john didn't even care if emi kissed me because it's me, when he was really jealous of anyone else.
after all the pain and suffering and working my ass off maybe it will pay off i don't know. i often think things will get better they start to and then don't. i know the one thing i really need to make any pain worth it but don't expect it anytime soon. maybe i cant have love right now, or even someone to hold but at least i've found a buddy to hang out with outside of work. that's nice anyways. i hope things just keep working themselves out. i really need to sleep soon :/ now that i feel awake.. ive been up since around 4 pm over a day ago.. well, i just wanted to get all of that out and such since bad things have sort of turned into good things in a way. glad about my income taxes.
