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Oh gee , hey Gatorade long time no hear from you/me . Come to vent at the wall and relieve some of what's bugging ya? You know I'm here for ya brother so let it rip here , it's better than putting that crap in a status for the world to think you're pathetic and whiney, this way only a few will think that
As my b'day approaches I'm looking over my shoulder on the roads for cops that appearantly love fucking with me those few weeks around this time. Last year was my 50th, a landmark NO ONE thought I'd reach either from a heart attack claiming me or a side effect of my sparkiling personality getting me shot . But I made it and thought it would be good to go out and celebrate with some fun things I hadn't done in years but Nooooooo-ooooooo, in the 3 weeks around that day in question, our locala boys in blue decided it was time to fuck with a guy driving a family car that normally flies under the radar. 14 fucking times I was pulled over NO REASON GIVEN "spot checking if car was legel" and other excuses. Made me paranoid to even go to the grocery store, good way to spend what was supposed to be a weekend to remember. But should have expected as much, maybe not so many random searches and stops. In the prior 28 years I'd been driving combined I hadn't seen that many times I'd been stopped but WTF ever. The 2 years before that they fired my helper or had them suspended so I was forced to work on my b'day and both weekends before and after to guarentee there'd be no fun times for ol' Gatorade.. The year before that , now 4 years ago , ON mybday morning my brakes gave out and had to spend the day fixing the issue. Walk 6 miles to part store each way , warp a rotor and chip it trying to break it free and have to trek back and get more parts ... yeah ... this time of year seems real welcoming to me .
Now in 2020 , everywhere I COULD have gone for some fun is under lockdown . No one wants to come out of their government mandated quarentine blankies they are hiding under from a flu bug that is blown way out of porportion by politicians that are probably sitting there getting drunk playing quarter bound once a week and seeing what fucked up mandate they can come up with that the sheeple will blindly follow ..
Is it so wrong I wanted to go and have fun? Off color , off base fun? Not out to harm anyone just have a few laughs , make some memories that people don't wanna talk about in public kinda shit? Can't even order in, the bars I wanted to hit don't deliver. I work hard , I've been good and adulting sucks . I just wanted to spend 1 day a year as I get older on ME and every year "they" find new and inventive ways to fuck it up. Made my meds stretch a long time now but they don't take the edge off the impulses that keep coming to mind and it gets harder and harder to resist .. maybe next year will be the year I won't be looking back and things will just roll on and no one will have to deal with my whining and self centered pity party .... just ONE FUCKING day a year is all I ask for is that so much?
Well if things don't seem to be on a downward trend don't know how else to put it. Even local sheriffs are in on the act of keeping me from enjoying a few minutes around a landmark b'day, even weeks after the fact. A week before my 50th I got pulled over for the first time since my 20s, cop 'randomly" pulled me over to see if my wife was driving. She has no licence and refuses to drive but her name is on the title cuz she's got the credit and I make the cash to pay for her wonderful cred score. which I think is a strange coincidence that I've worked at that shop for nearly 10 yeqars now and go out for a coffee as a linch break often, that'd getting close to my landmark that suddenly I'm on cops radar. Thats not the only time mind you, over the next 2 weeks I'd been pulled over and their excuse has been they thought my unlicenced wife was driving, they gave up that excuse now and claimed was an out tail light these last 2 times , which after was allowed to leave I immediately got out a snow brush and braced it on brake pedal and to my 'shock and awe' the lights weren't out... just random harassment. Ok then, cops circling trying to catch me doing something wrong in an inconspicuous family car in the suburbs. I mean who pulls over a Ford Taurus driving the speed limitin the burbs?!?!
Fine Dave you don't get to go drink and celebrate your b'day like everybody else and have a few free on your day drinks wTF ever. Let's add a drama queen sister inlaw that suddenly decided she can't handle her teenagers during this few week space. "here you take your neice over night " then go straight to a mental facility to get evaluated on her own , checked in for a week for a vaca and fought to take her kid home. My neice was good as gold and helpful n sweet but this isn't the time to be a good example for todays youth .. uncle wants to act out and see if he remembers who and how he used to be when people actually hung out with him. Finally won that battle . Still no livinin' it up and celebrating the way I want. Wife made no plans which is fine she isn't that good at it but the effort is appreciated. 28 years in a row she bakes either pineapple upside down cupcakes or black forest cupcakes, I enjoy the hell out of em , snack size and portable and awesome as all hell. This year she went way off the board and made no-bake pineapple cheesecake.. I'd never heard of such an atrocity, but she made the effort so TY to the redheaded sociopath. Had a nice size bowl of this runny mess after dinner and woke up with explosive yuck in the middle of the night and that lasted good portion of the following morning. I thought strange coincidence but had another bowl the next night and same result ... boy this is getting better as my long weekend goes on. Can't go drink seeing as I'm the only driver and am suddenly on the cops radar, inlaws calling every 2 hours with a melt down to take a teenager , wife with the best of intentions sabotaging my thoughts of us sneaking out for a little while cuz the porcalean throne might be needed any minute.. Then my adult kids that moved out a while back are all having sudden financial woes. This one needs 100 thie other one had a few emergencies so she needs groceries and gas money too , so WHY TF not ? There goes means and oppertunity and open time to be a debaucherous bastard for a min or so.
Yeah I'm whining about not getting to have fun and unwind , I get it boo Fk'n hoo.. keep hearing its the little things that matter and let's counter that with the same idiots sayin don't sweat the small stuff. Which is it then all the little things that keep adding up to a big pile of shit or is it the little doeses of sunshine that get countered ? Its like work issues . Dave here train your replacement so we can move you on to do something else ... oh wait he sucks at your job so we're just gonna give this guy the position we were going to give to you maybe he'll be better there.. no , lets move him up to a higher slot and see.. ok we got it we'll put him in the front office in a non-physical job while you suffer with slipped disks in your neck and pass out on the job which is the reason we wanted to move you to other things to begin with , but you can train more replacements and we'll keep replacing you on the promotion list... yeah thats what we meant by train your replacement. Oh and did we mention that after giving you penny ante raises for the past 7 years, we're hiring new guys at your rate of pay, doesn't that sound swell ... enjoy your Stockholm syndrome you mentally beaten POS now don't pass out from your neck issues while stacking 1K plus lb racks, don't want you damaging the new pipes in your warehouse like the pot head you warned us about did. Even though we have a zero tolerance policy in place we'll ignore it for him despite firing 23 other people for violating it but whatever.
Just sucks to be me, we all have our own issues but .. I'm just tired .. so tired these days
I know no one reads these things ,especially my mindless ramblings of a self centered nature. So this is as safe as I can vent without offending anyone and put it on paper to try n help make sense of it.
I don't know why THIS years b'day would be any different than the past 49 but in some sick sense I guess that 50 year milestone is something to celebrate or at least take notice of and acknowledge. I've been picking and poking fun of this one since January and now its within striking distance, my mind is throwing a myriad of crap at me and its just not fun to deal with. I've got the Best of Dave show going on for no reason when I least expect it. Things I've done and events I lived thru popping up for no appearant reason to say "hey, remember when you dot drunk and walked into the bonfire tossing embers back to the center? ... yeah those were fun times" or "... driving home from work and that geezer decided to do a U-turn on a 2 lane highway 20 yards in front of you and there was nothing you could do ? Boy the look on his face when he realized he wasn't the only person on this planet and he had to pull the biggest bone head move in front of the biggest hot head " yeah love when that shit comes outta nowhere in flashbacks. But its not all bad shit either , sometimes for no reason images of girlfriends past come sneaking in while in conversations about something completely different. Visions of the way I used to be and comparing it to who I am now and wondering how there could be such contrast in the same being. Long ago I was 'THAT guy" you'd see at parties or the bar and was impulsive. If it felt right at the moment I went for it, sometimes it was entertaining orthe times it was "he's gonna get himself killed" kinda behaviour , ya know the type that saw shit in movies and just knew he could do it too. Yeah I was the idiot that would walk towards cars are they drove up and would walk up n over hood to trunk n down again n keep going like they weren't even there. I had the confidence and the mindset I was indestructable and people liked being around me but that wasn't the case , they kept hanging around me in case someone needed to call an ambulance or ID the body. Some of the longest lasting memories were attached to my days of not caring if I lived or died. The days I hated waking up being me. Alone and only looking for that reason I should straighten up my shit . When those days make their appearance in my mind I'm glad I'm alone on my hilo left to my thoughts so no one sees me shake it off and try n move on.
If I could sift thru and pull out the best of the fun and relive it for real that would be a nice experience, just getting past all the junk I put myself thru to get those good memories isn't worth the hassle. Sure the egocentric , pigginsh cheauvenistic bastard would love to go all hedonistic on new faces in the crowd. But that goes against everything I've turned into and common sense side of my brain that has taken over just re dampens a blanket and throws it over the fire that used to rage on inside me and I get smoke signals saying "sit down mFk'r before you add to the list of thngs we shouldn't do"
Just feeling old before my time ... or has time past me by? Looking forward to tennis balls to put my walker or other gag gifts , maybe even pudding cups . Tired of wanting to live in the past where no one really wanted me to begin with but can't help ask .... what if... about lots of stuff. Probably nothing I wrote today made sense but neither do I
